Homes for Butterflies

I’ve got story upon story to share.  My laptop is acting up and I can’t post now… but later today, expect a most glorious blog about all that happened during my day… and how today is yet another experience to log as the “best day ever”.  I’ve got like… four tied for that spot.

Hahaha… oh gosh. So so so much to discuss…

Oh gosh, what a personal blog this can and should be.  I’m not sure if I want to openly share all that’s on my mind right now (quite a bit of people probably won’t wanna know my true emotions on some things)… but we shall see how brave I get (or deliriously tired).

First off- I love Britain.  I’m listening to Badly Drawn Boy, and his music is just so infused with british flair and I love it (it’s hard to explain what I mean by ‘british flair in music’- but you either get it or you don’t).  I feel really good right now just relaxing to his melodies and beats.  His song A Minor Incident is such a poignant love song teeming with emotion and sentimentality.  He did the soundtrack to About a Boy, which is only an amazing movie.  And speaking of movies starring Hugh Grant and British awesomeness- Bridgit Jones’ Diary comes tomorrow from Netflix.  Whoop!  I’m excited.

Secondly- I love Japan.  Driving home last night from the gig listening to Nujabes (and RAPPING to nujabes- wow, what a whole nother story to tell) was fantastic.  Just thinking of going to the country excites me more than anything.  Well… it’s up there at least.

So I’ve gotta talk about the Appa show last night and how much fun I had AFTERwards lol.  Sure, the show was great- I love playing- and debuting Girl So Far Away was bad ass.  But it was afterwards that made me love last night so much.  It was me, Melinda, Allen, Judd, Pat, and Frankie.  Then Kate and Christine joined us.  And it was marrrvelous.  The chemistry between us all just worked so well.  It was obvious that we all were just lookin for a good time… and we certainly found it between all of us.  Probably the best moment was the roundtable of calls.  I tried getting a hold of Danielle all night and got no respond or anything.  So Allen goes, “Man, I’ma call her, see if she picks up.”  She didn’t.  Then Judd’s all, “Okay, me next.”  Then Pat did it.  Then Frankie.  Then we all look at Melinda, “c’mon! your turn!”  The round table of calls happened twice… and each time it was hilarious.  Especially when coupled with the body-rolls and “what’s up!”  That all happened at the Nest Cafe.  We then drove down to Starbucks and continued the adventures.  The awesomest comment was “Yankin my chain like a hollow??? OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!”  Yeahhh.  Great.  Oh yeah, and then letting out my feelings to kate was awesome, lol.  Her sympathy hugs were fantastic.  Thanks, Kate! 

Driving home was a blast.  I put on Nujabes and instantly the terribleyetawesome rapping ensued.  Nujabes has phat beats- no one can deny it.  Allen, Me, and Judd rapped along most excellently.  Melinda was just enjoying the trip and our stupidity in the backseat (with Allen, too, I suppose).  And then when Melinda said “Hey, this looks familiar!”  She had no idea she’d spark the “word of the day(weekmonthyear)”. 

Then we all almost died.  Spare Melinda.  She was dropped off by then.  There’s this hill by her house I love.  It’s got like, three humps and its massive.  We took it at 60MPH and almost ate it big time.  It was incredible fun though… and we were all so shaken up by it.  New band tradition?  Yeeeeeeah baby.

But let’s just fast forward to today and my events with Allen.  Not much out of the ordinary happened- it was just great fun as always.  36waist underwear apparently fits Allen and no one sells LocaMoca Monster.  Some Strawberry Pie caused controversy today- but what’s a family without a little hardships?  Point in case tonightwhen I got into a pretty big fight with my mom.  I kept my cool even though I wanted to fly off the hook at her stupidity… but what’re you gonna do.  Tonight was great.  Syed, Paulius, Derek, Holly, Sarah, and Kim.  All great people.  I don’t know much of the story, but apparently Sarah’s ex is a dork and put a bit of a damper on the night.  Yet again, what’re you gonna do?

So as they say, as one door closes… another one opens.  I love that statement… cuz it’s always true.

I love the band Nightmare Of You.  They’re so damn sexual.  But so damn poetic.  Yet so damn happy.  Their music is fitting what I’m feeling so bad right now…

“I am yours if you want and
I can be yours to spend your life with
I can be yours, we’ll hide indoors
petrified of the world

And if you’d rather stay in at night
I can relate to that
And if feels like your hearts dried up
I can relate to that
And if you need someone at your side
I am out there, I’m out there, out there”

You know it’s a good thing when your own music lifts you up.  The other day I was recordng some second guitars for Apollo’s Dream and came up with this tiny, completely talentless riff for the outro.  Little did I realize that this completely easy riff that consists of like, three notes, only one of the notes being played most of the time, could be so optimistic and exciting.  I listen to it over and over now, because I honestly can’t believe how insanely good it is.  You hear it and the whole outro is just so powerful that you can’t help but be overtaken by it all.  You feel like kissing someone.  You feel like high-fiving someone.  You feel like rocking out.  You feel like smiling.  You feel like you’re on top of the world.  I kid you not folks, Apollo’s Dream is a force to be reckoned with.

I’m mad tired.  Time for bed.

Sweet dreams.

Sometimes I wonder why I care.

I’ve never been in this situation before… loving someone so much and no matter how shitty they make me feel, I just keep on loving them.  I feel like a goddamned loser.  But at the same time, I’m definitely not hopeless.  Life is still incredibly amazing- and no one would ever know I have such an internal struggle.  But it’s when I sit here alone… I feel like absolute garbage and want to just go on some sort of rampage and break all ties with her completely.  If she would just show she cares even a tiny bit… I’d be okay.  But as far as I’m concerned, I’m just wasting my time… thinking bout a girl.  Everyone keeps asking me if we’re still together.  And it’s like, yes, we are! 

But does she want to be?

Oh well, such is life. 

I started my company today: Progression Records.  The family is small- consisting only of bands I’m affiliated with… but if all goes well, I’ll have 2+ bands a part of my family fairly soon.  I talked to my bass teacher, Jason, a lot today about recording.  I really feel confident in my guitar and drum sounds… it’s the bass that makes me wanna punch myself.  I learned a lot from him… especially about upgrading my equipment and getting the best possible bass sound.  I’m thinking a very bright future for me and audio engineering is in the works.  Because let’s think about it too- I’ll be going to Columbia for Audio Engineering (among other things)… so while this company may start out very small and seem primitive (in the eyes of musical gurus), it has the potential to grow so big- so long as I stick with it. 

Damn, that paragraph just reminded me of the million different things I wanna do this summer… I’ve got scripts to write for movies I wanna make!  As mentioned in blogs before, it’s all going down with director extraordinaire, Glenn Francisco.  That man has made this summer so great thus far.  In fact, all the people in my life have made summer incredible.  There’s just this tiny little hiccup (but as recording has shown- one hiccup can ruin an entire track- dangoh)… let’s hope it gets smoothed out.

For right now… I dunno, it’s safe to say I’m really scared about what the next couple weeks may bring… but at the same time, there’s a helluva lot to keep me smiling. 

Love is such a hard thing to endure… because with all the highs, you definitely experience a lot of lows.  I certainly hope the highs come back.

Here’s a day-by-day plan of what I’m doing:

Monday: recording with Judd/hanging out
                bass lessons
                 hanging with Danielle
                starting my record company
                watching eps of Bleach
Tuesday: recording with Judd
                 potential band practice
                 watching eps of Bleach
Wednesday: hanging with Allen
                       going to Mitsuwa
                      playing a show at 5:30 at Living Lord Lutheran Church in Bartlett
Thursday: RESTTTTTTTTT
Friday: Live Free or Die Hard
              Work
Saturday: Work
                   Acoustic Battle of the Bands Part Deux for Appastar
                   SEVEN TREASURESSSSS!!! AGH!!!!

I’m so excited for life.

Sorry for anyone who had to put up with me today.  I’m very tired.

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow.