“It’s the new you, Mort!”
-Mrs. Robertson
Such a befitting quote for a befitting blog. Here I am, starting something new, something a bit different in the ways of blogging. I found this site after watching the video Tim made of us (Appastar + Paul) rocking out on Saturday. I loved the whole feel and everything and said, “I need to write here!” I also like it… because no one knows about it. Only those who actually want to hear about what’s going on in my head will read. Cuz I’ll be straight up honest- there’s so much running amok inside this skull of mine, and it wants out oh so badly.
Where to begin?
The summer has been glorious thus far- not a dull moment to speak of. It started off better than I ever could have imagined, with remarkable music-making with Glenn and John. The chemistry between us all reminded me of idiot ambush- and even how we went about writing the songs and such was just so reminiscent of the days that are kept as the fondest memories I know of. When we played our show on Friday, I couldn’t believe how alive I felt afterwards. New life had been breathed into me and I felt it through and through. However, with every new life, another one ends. After the show I found out that my old assistant manager at work, Garret Siegler, passed away. He was having surgery and apparently flat-lined. The man was 64.
Garret was a fantastic man in every sense of the word. He was always so open with me and generally warm. He praised me when praise was necessary, and would spin some harmless jokes pointing at my faults when a mistake was made. The man was downright excellent and he made work so grand for me. As I told many people, work was like doing favors for a friend- that friend being Garret. He was a mentor as I’ve come to know what one is, and I miss terribly. He was laid off during a period where I was absent from work and I never got to say goodbye. Never got to thank him for how he’d changed my whole perspective on thee workplace. I always said I’d write a note. I really wanted to. I always said I’d write him telling him thank you and explaining what an impact on my life he’d left. He inspired me to be a family man the way he spoke of his kids. He always trusted me and showed me what it meant to tell people what they mean to. I’ll never forget some of the things he said…: “You and I are a great team- you know that?” “There’s nothing more rewarding than seeing your children grow up to be the wonderful adults that they are.” “You’re very high up on my list of respectable people… I trust you.”
I believe in Heaven. I believe in God, the Father, watching over me and taking care of Garret. And I sure hope Garret knows that I miss him. Today at the wake I saw a picture of him and was warmed by it… his wonderful smile. Then I looked towards my left and saw his decrept body already wasting away. I left immediately after.
Goodbye good sir, you are missed and loved.
But back to music, yes?
I got the itinerary for the Appastar East Coast tour. 12 shows. 14 days. I can’t wait. This is something I’ve been talking about for as long as the idea of a tour came into my head. I never believed I’d actually do it at age 17… So that’s another point I’d love to mention. Everything I have ever set my mind to, I have accomplished. I have never witnessed failure… and if I have, I’ve taken all that negativity associated with defeat and just turned it into something marvelous. Point in case: I was failing math miserably. I said I was gonna pass. What happened? I passed. I just don’t see the point in dwelling on mistakes that have been made and letting yourself be unhappy. Sure, circumstances arise that don’t exactly suit your tastes, but that’s going to happen all your life. By allowing suffering and despondence to take over at any time in your life, you’re wasting the precious moments you have on this here earth. Love those who are closest to you. Indulge in what makes you happy. Seek what tends to excite you. Just do everything YOU want to do… and never let anyone else tell you differently. Fight for what is important to you.
But don’t be stupid about it.
That’s all I’m gonna say on that, for a long and involving essay should be written on the topic of “fighting the system… and always winning.” Because most people I know who rub against the grain tend to fail miserably by only landing themselves into deep trouble and usually losing in some way or another.
But yeah. Things with Danielle. I wanna mention this because… well… because no one means more to me than this girl. And unfortunately I wish I could say the same for her part. Lately I definitely feel like all she wants to do is push me away and get me out of her life. But she still calls me to do stuff. However, once I see her, the love in her eyes seems all but gone. I just want things to be back to the way they once were… I want to feel the connection I once felt. Not this dispassionate apathy that leaves me feeling like I’m the biggest fool in existence. I love her. I do. Every time I see a picture of her and I, I just remember how we both felt at that moment… and how the passion between us was uncompromisable.
Sometimes you just gotta ask yourself what went wrong? and accept that things will never be the same. Or sometimes you gotta hold on to what matters most… Giving up has never been my style… so hopefully better days are around the corner.
Uhmm… I started Netflix up again… watching all the anime is so soothing. I can’t even begin to express how much I love anime. The music. The characters. The art. The stories. The emotion. It’s all so fantastic and beats the crap out of any media found in america. Spare American music. But even then… a lot of that blows so hard too.
I’m buzzing my head next week. Scared? A bit. Want to try? Most definitely. Dan’s gonna do the honours… we’ll see what happens. I just know it’s gonna be a train wreck… but it’s all good. I want my haircut badly, but I’m so damn lazy to actually getting one. It’s such an effort, really. Call. Set up appointment. Dedicate time to the barber. Take an aftershower. Grrr.
But okay, enough is enough… for this blog. I hope to post more intelligent things here once I get some touchy-feely blogs out of the way. I used to have exceptional things to say the internetted world back when I didn’t care who read about my thoughts. Now I’ve gotta watch my back cuz people don’t like it when an opinion of mine clashes with theirs.
Grow up, kids. Too many of you are so damn immature it makes me want to puke.
Not to end on a sour note…
