I feel anew.
Really.
I feel like the skin I’m in is brand new, fresh out of the box.
Today I popped the black balloon that was looming overhead and smiled as the wind took it away.
I’m still a bit frustrated. But that’s due to lack of sleep.
When I wake up tomorrow, I don’t know if I can prepare myself for the happiness that’s going to exude from me. How will Allen, Tim, Chris, and Judd take it on Tuesday? How will Harriet take it when I see her tomorrow? How will my co-workers feel about it when they see me Wednesday?
I’m finally in a state where I can act the way I want to, say the things I need to, and do the things I have to. Self-doubt is no longer an issue. Today I took control of my life and said “This is how things are gonna go from now on”… and my life listened.
I haven’t been down or anything. I haven’t been not myself. But there was something stopping me from shining. There was something in the way of me and total complacency. That wall is gone. I shattered it with a will made of iron and I can’t wait to see the results.
Hello, Mr. Mortensen. Glad to see you’re in good health.
After I walked out of the front office having talked to both my managers about my future work endeavors, I headed back to my job in the dairy. As I was working I started a conversation with God. I said it outloud and very proud, “We did it.” Both Him and I defeated the demon that was digging its claws into my back.
God’s my partner. We’re buddies. He’s the reason I can call Allen and tell him to buy metallic pants for the December 28th Appastar show. He’s the reason why I can hold Harriet’s hand and feel warm inside. He’s the reason why I can drop $223 on a new microphone to record an incredible Apollo’s Dream album. He’s the reason I can sit here and type out all my thoughts.
He’s also the reason why I still haven’t even started typing up my 100 Goals for Religion. He’s put a passion for the arts in my heart, and that passion refuses to settle on anything but itself. It’s such a selfish bastard, my passion.
So. yes. My last blogs have been rather long and all over the place. But… I’ve finally reached my complacency.
Everything in life… is perfect.
whatenergycreates said,
December 17, 2007 at 3:59 pm
glad things are going so well for you! job search advice: don’t become a shampoo girl
or boy…the tips are good, the hours are bad.
and i liked that you said you’ve never seen something destroy you and let it be okay. not everyone can do that. i know for two years of my life i let something destroy me, and 2 summers ago i had to rebuild my life from the ground up. though its made me a better person now, never let anything conrol your life. and so far, looks like you havent