Ah. That felt great.
A good long bike ride.
Then running into Sean.
Getting in touch with nature and seeing an old (great) friend. Can’t complain at all.
I needed this…
Feelin Better
April 30, 2008 at 7:34 pm (emotions)
Tags: bike riding, rejuvenation, sean
The Wings Are Wide
April 30, 2008 at 6:22 am (harriet)
Tags: feelings, feist, harriet, i love you
I could focus on everything that sucks right now… Because in all honesty? There’s a lot bothering me. But truth be told… I’m not in the mood to do so. I’d rather focus on all things good. Right now I’m wearing a smile and I never want to take it off.
She said I do too much for her. Then she said maybe she’s just not used to it because no one ever has before. I really didn’t know how to respond… I’m sure she realized I hesitated for a good minute or so before saying anything. I hesitated because that one thing she said about no one doing lovely things for her whenever possible before almost like… hurt. Hurt for different reasons. Basically because Harriet deserves the world. And I’ve got my reasons for believing that which go beyond the usual boyfriend/girlfriend smittenness (yes, i made up that word). But also… I can’t help but feel like… well… she’s so in love with me. But she’s never met anyone like me before. And I personally don’t see much of anything special in me. There’s gotta be a ton of other guys just like me hanging around. But maybe that’s not the reality. Maybe I really am special. Maybe even though I’m doing things for her she’s never experiencedd from a guy, maybe I am the only one who can do it for her. Maybe it’s because I do love her more than any guy ever will.
I sure feel like I do. Saying “I love you” just doesn’t work, even. Saying it 10 times in one night feels lacking. There’s gotta be sometihng I can say… sometihng I can do… that really gets the message across. But until I find what that thing is… I love you will have to work.
I feel it all.
So I’m losing my grip on everything. I’m just out of touch with myself and the world. I need to take a day where all I do is stuff for me… instead of catering to everyone else’s needs. Only problem is, school is a part of the problem. I need the weekend come now so I can get my head straight.
tuesdayyys
April 29, 2008 at 2:32 pm (emotions)
Tags: harriet, mom, PMS, sickness, sputnik sweetheart
Ugh. I hate the end of the month. It seems all my mom knows how to do is bitch about everything. Seeing as how her and I operate on totally different ideals and methods to begin with, dealing with her PMS is straight up difficult. It’s like a lightswitch too. Her personality just changes so instantly and dramatically.
So I’m sick. Got it from Harriet. She’s a bit sick too. It seems neither of us are very lively around each other because of it. Aka, I want to get better like… now. I’m really tired lately too… I wonder if it’s because I keep waking up so early/ I guess I really don’t sleep on the weekends…
Whatever. I’m just gonna read. I’m not in the mood to do much of anything…
mondayssss
April 28, 2008 at 6:53 pm (emotions)
So I just can’t get my shit together on Mondays. It’s a trend I’ve sort of noticed before… but finally fully realized. Like, if I were a puzzle… my pieces are just scattered on Mondays… and it’s every monday. I can’t think of a single Monday where I acted the way I wanted to. Especially around Harriet it bothers me… cuz every time I see her at school, I suck, and when she leaves all I think about is how I’m gonna act better around her but when I see her again I STILL SUCK! I get about nine chances to see her during the school day and I blew it every single time today. And I do it every monday. Fact. Then I go home at the end of the day feeling crappy because I wasn’t able to really show my girlfriend I adore her and love her company. All because some strange force inside of me is like “whaaaat? im so out of it right now.” But whatever. She loves me. She won’t judge me on one day.
In other news, I;’m almost done writing this very good story of mine. It’s been a while since I’ve written something, so this is good. I finished Dance, Dance, Dance. Great book. THe ending pissed me off though. NOw I’m reading another Haruki Murakami novel: Sputnik Sweetheart. So far so… interesting. I also wanna try reading Flowers for Algernon once I’m done with this (I expect to finish it quickly as its a small book).
I think I’m gonna start running again. Only… no. I do too much else with my life. Sort of.
I put it perfectly for Vicky today: “Nothing really exciting or new happens with me.. I’m just in this perfect situation where every day is amazing. It goes music. Harriet. Music. Harriet. Music. You. Harriet. Music.” And it’s true… that’s all I ask for in life. Love. And Harriet is my love. Harriet gives me love. And I love music.
k gotta go.
Chainge
April 28, 2008 at 6:13 am (dreams)
Tags: age, america, benet, desire, harriet, japan, school
It’s getting difficult to deal with living. I can’t stand certain circumstances… aka, school. Aka, America. Aka, being 18. If I didn’t go to Benet, lived in Japan, and were like, 21, we’d be set. Well, not entirely. Harriet would have to be with me too. But I know she’d be alright with joining.
I’ve really got nothing else to say. That’s all I desire. It’s all I’m thinking about.
