Homes for Butterflies

I feel very off today.
Things don’t seem right.

why?

I woke up at 6:30 and basically tossed and turned in bed… almost afraid of the day to come.  I thought of all the work I had to do… things I had to take care of… the things I want to do…  There’s so much of it.  This is when I wish I lived alone.  None of this would be a problem because I’d beat to my own drum and could take care of everything as I see fit and do exactly what I want to, when I want to.  And in a perfect world, I’d be living with Harriet and not only would I always be content… I’d always be at ease.

But then again… is that all that’s bothering me?  Maybe it is, maybe it’s not.  I’m not sure.  But I feel like there’s a greater something nagging at my core.  And I want to go on about this issue… but I can’t.  Because I don’t know what’s wrong.  Sometihng just doesn’t feel right…

Yesterday was one of those days that seemed like a wash while going through it, but in retrospect, was really great.  Highlights included: lunch with Dad at Odyssey, jamming with Will, playing piano with Harriet.

I’m thinking today maybe I need to rest.  I mean, I took a nap yesterday… but that lasted less than an hour… and I did so much.  I always do so much.  And it’s not that I’m physically tired… but my brain is absolutely worked to its limit.  I’m always scheming, planning, attending, creating, dreaming.  My mind never takes a moment to juts rest… even while watching a movie yesterday my mind was racing.  While I read I generally have to go back and re-read stuff now because my mind keeps wandering.  I’m reading, but my thoughts are somewhere else.  But at the same time I’m still processing what’s going down in the book… I just need to re-clarify I’m on the right track.

This cool breeze from outside feels wonderful. 

I wish I were a small child again.  I wouldn’t be here blogging.  I’d be in the basement watching sunday morning cartoons, wrapped in a blanket, or playing Zelda: Ocarina of Time.  I wouldn’t even be wasting my time on the internet…  There’s so much in this world I wish I didn’t do… yet so much of it I can’t live without.

If I didn’t use the internet, so many awesome things wouldn’t happen in my life.  Blogging allows me to put my thoughts down, Facebook allows me to keep in touch and expand my business networking, Myspace does the same, Myspace allows me to put my music out there, websites keep me up to date on my favorite things: books, movies, music, etc., Google allows me to do random research; same with wikipedia.  But like… gosh.  I really wish I didn’t use these things.  I wish I were more disconnected from the world.  I know I’ve talked about this so many times before but it’s so fucking true. 

So I’ve been reading really good books lately.  Japanese artists (not painters, persay) are so incredible.  The writers, the filmmakers, the musicians, even the painters, too, are all so awesome at what they do.  It’s a no-brainer why they’re so good: the Japanese are honorable people who dedicate themselves to their trades and succeed wonderfully.  I just read a book called Almost Transparent Blue by Ryu Murakami that made me begin writing again… and now I’m reading through a lightning-fast-paced story called Dance, Dance, Dance (Dansu, Dansu, Dansu) by Haruki Murakami (yes, I found them right next to each other) that is absolutely wonderful thus far.  And I’ve got two movies from netflix I’ve started that are both so captivating: Jin-Roh and Who’s Camus Anyway?  I can’t wait to sit down and watch them…

Well, I could go on forever.  I always can.  And… hm.  Maybe I will.

So, three of my own songs (maybe a fourth) will be used in a movie Adam Cowsert is making.  It’s a story about a death and not until the end do people know it’s a suicide.  Homes for Butterflies, Save Me, possibly Submerge, and one other (I can’t remember which he said) will be in it.  That’s awesome!

Ugh. And Progression Records is really taking off.  Really.

Okay, I’m done.