I’m the example because no one else will be. I want to be the anchor for him. The inspiration for her. The reason for all.
Nothing is impossible in this life. I want to prove that true.
Grace
May 31, 2008 at 8:45 pm (emotions)
Tags: allen, drinking, excitement, harriet, impossibilities, marriage, music, smoking, ty park, writing
Change That Up
May 30, 2008 at 7:20 am (music)
Tags: angels & airwaves, appastar, ava, home made kazoku, jimmy, mike, music, party, strawberry pie, zeph
Okay, let’s ditch the pessimism of yesterday. That’s over and done with. How about a little optimism?!
I guess the only thing I can really think about is the show today. This Appastar show is probably one of the most important shows I’ll ever play. It’s a headlining show where we’re officially a band. This line-up feels solid too: the missing link, our drummer, is now connected with a great drummer who loves our music. You can’t ask for much more. Zeph is nothing stunning in the sense he makes the coolest beats like Travis Barker or soemthing… but he’s phenomenal to watch in the sense that he can add a beat to anything we throw at him, he’s so versatile, and what he does play, he plays with such ease and skill. However, let me say that I do love his beats: some of his fills are just so much fun to listen to- especially at the end of Strawberry Pie. Speaking of: I want to play that shit so bad! Just Zeph and mine’s intro for it. It’s so fucking gnarly I can’t stand it.
Jimmy texted me last night asking about Angels & Airwaves. I guess he really is liking their new album and that’s exciting… because AVA is one of my biggest influences (you would never guess it from my music, but it’s true, they’ve inspired what RTA is today) and Jimmy is the one who was saying he wants to help me with RTA sometime in the future… so if he digs AVA, we’ll get along famously. And Mike Vinci was talking to me last night: we’re gearing up for a “party band”. My idea is make Home Made Kazoku meet Weezer (blue/green album sound) and create a grand, fun experience.
Well, Nathan mentioned food so now I’m super hungry. So I’m off!
Smile.
Sleep It Off
May 29, 2008 at 8:53 pm (emotions)
Tags: harriet, music, nathan, questions, relief, sadness, school, tears
Today I’ve felt underappreciated.
pathetic.
hated.
& stupid.
Granted, I’ve felt a lot of other great things… but those stood out the most and were felt the most today. I can’t wait for tomorrow to be on stage and just prove to the world that I serve some sort of purpose and that that purpose is known. However, I must admit… nothing went right today… and so far tomorrow’s on track to go completely wrong too.
And now that I think about it… the end of school means Harriet leaves soon. So I fucking hate when people ask me if I’m relieved school is over. Of course I’m fucking not. School being over means Harriet leaves soon. Am I really gonna be fucking relieved at that? Mrs. Barratt and Mr. Barratt were both like, “Doesn’t it feel so great?” and I just wanted to throw a fit and be like “No. it doesn’t. I hate it.” Harriet today too was like “We’re done! Our last day!” I could hardly crack a smile. I just don’t see it as the endof school. I see it only as Harriet leaving soon… and I just teared up a little right there. If it werent for my friend Nathan IMing me at that moment I began to cry saying, “Hey dude!” I might just be balling right now. Harriet and I are gonna make it. We’re gonna make all those “forevers” come true… But it still hurts to think about being without her. It hurts so fucking much.
And Mrs. Barratt was also like, “Have you been home yet?” “No.” “Doesn’t your mom want to see you and give you a great big hug and congratulate on you on being done? I couldn’t wait for Harriet to get home.” “I have nothing like that waiting for me.” And I didn’t. I came home and mom was in bed. All I did was wave to her and she nodded at me. I was gone from 7AM-9:30… and that’s all I got.
Today’s not a good night. I’m gonna go to sleep…
Hold That Flava
May 28, 2008 at 9:20 pm (harriet)
Tags: forever, happiness, harriet, love, swimming
I am so very tired, but feel like sharing some “end of the day” thoughts. Today I walked around downtown naperville with Harriet (went to starbucks, invaded red mango, climbed trees, held hands, befriended ducks, threw down gang signs with geese), went to the YMCA with her and swam, and lied out on concrete with her. The day before we just hung out all day, then went to Judd’s birthday surprise together. And the day before that we went to Todai, played with a hose, and decided to adopt an asian baby. And before that we were together; we’re never apart. But we’re always doing something interesting/awesome. And last night as I looked at her and smiled as I always do, I was finally able to add rationality to thoughts I didn’t quite understand: I no longer see her as my girlfriend. She transcends that. She’s not some girl I know and love. It’s like she’s this person who absolutely HAS to be a part of my life and she’s absolutely meant to be there. She is my partner, my love. We are… well… one. Even while I’m just sitting here studying (well, blogging now), it feels like she’s supposed to be here. She can be doing the same thing- studying- but the point is, we’re supposed to be together… never apart. It feels right, feels natural.
It feels amazing, above all else.
I’m spending the day with her tomorrow, too, and I can’t wait. No matter how many days I get to be with her, I’m always so excited for the next time I see her. It’s a known fact that love/attraction begins to fade after six months unless it’s true. This is a scientific truth: if you can outlast six months and things are still good, then you’ve got something good. since day one of knowing Harriet I’ve been enthralled. I met her last August. 9 months later I’m still amazed by her. And not only am I amazed, I fall harder and harder for her each day. I already can tell her I want to be with her forever, and she can tell me the same… and I still fall more for her… that’s a really deep love, folks.
Okay, whatever. Sleep time. I’m meeting Harriet for breakfast at 720 tomorrow before school.
Search For Your Own Flava
May 27, 2008 at 10:59 pm (emotions)
Tags: fights, harriet, mom, sleeping, walking
Life was amazing. Then it got SUPER shitty. I mean, walking the streets of wheaton at night barefoot because you stormed out of your house, shitty. Then there was a bunch of other shitty stuff that happeneed. But all in all… life just got super awesome again. Life is always fluctuating for me… Just gotta roll with the highs and the lows.
p.s.- there’s nowhere more comfortable than resting on Harriet’s chest.
