Alright, fuck what i said about not writing. I’m gonna go nuts if I don’t put my thoughts down.
So Harriet is stuck with a friend of hers for the week while her parents are outta town. Not a problem, right? Hm. Yes. It is a problem. Maybe it’s not as big of a problem as I’m making it to be, but it sure feels like it. The Mr. of the family apparently scheduled day events for the girls so they have things to do and doesn’t like the idea of Harriet driving around. So… I’m kinda screwed with not seeing her too much. Luckily tomorrow is working out: we’re going to six flags with my uncle. But I really don’t want to go to Six Flags. So I’m making a pretty big sacrifice (that costs at least $60) just to see my baby for a day. Then Wednesday I’d like to have a sleepover with her… but I’m thinking that won’t work. So there goes Wed where I don’t see her and I doubt Thursday will be any more better. Then Friday is my grad party and Saturday is my show. For some crazy reason I get the feeling something’s gonna go wrong with all of that. And that’s gonna make me sad.
But this is why I’m so mad about it. Harriet leaves soon. Harriet leaves soon. Here goes our first week of summer because someone else is getting in the way. We, as a couple, have never had problems. Never has it been our faults for causing any stress between us. It’s always other people giving us our most dramatic moments (which are very few). And here I am with an indefinite amount of time before Harriet leaves and a whole week is pretty much being stolen from me. Am I being greedy? Hell yeah I’m being greedy. I honestly want to cry right now. Especially because Harriet said these words today, “I’ll see you. I promise.” Bam. Promise broken. Not her fault… but still. Someone else’s fault. It’s just the fact that despite what she (and I) wants… it doesn’t mean it’s going to happen. She promised me we’d do something today and we didn’t even see a split second of each other. For all the times she’s gonna say, “Let’s do something today” or “I promise we’ll do something”, how often are we going to be kept apart because other people just get in our way? I swear, if it happens more, I’m gonna just lose it. And I think it IS gonna happen. Her parents are gone for a week. If I know her mother (and I know her pretty damn well as to how she reacts to things concerning harriet), she will not let Harriet go for a while once she returns. So… one week. Plus another indefinite amount of time I’ll be kept from her. It might be only a day. Maybe two days! Maybe none. Maybe a lot more. I don’t know.
Hey. Yeah. I’m freaking out. Harriet’s my world and I’m being kept from her. I was totally fine until I was alone in my car driving home after taking allen to the train station. Then it hit me that a) I was alone. b) I wasn’t with Harriet. c) I hadn’t seen Harriet. and d) all our plans for this week are subject to be written off and forgotten. And all of this? Not our faults. That’s what always hurts the most. That none of this is our will nor is it in our power to control it.
Sometimes I have all the power I could ever need. But in love? I’ll never have the amount of power I desire until I grow up. Until I’m older. Then i can do whatever I want with Harriet… and she can do what she wants with me. And no one can tell us otherwise.
That’s my dream world. Straight up.
