Updatezor

August 30, 2008 at 9:42 am (emotions)
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Okay, time for an update.  Seeing as I’ve been living in the city for over 5 days now and just about no one’s heard from me… I guess I owe it to some people to write about my adventures thus far.

The first order of business is to probably talk about my roommate.  I have enjoyed living with him immensely so far.  We’re apparently very similar and get along famously.  It’s hard to describe my relationship with Daniel because so much has happened already between us, that going back and explaining everything feels like a chore!  Let me just say this.. a) we have the cleanest/best dorm room in the university center, b) we both agree on our enjoyment of privacy and no one being in the room, and c) we bought a fucking house plant together.  We named him Lars. We’re already working on a musical together with Allen (who pretty much lives here). I dunno… it’s overwhelming trying to talk about how things are with him.

Moving on… I officially am addicted to Skype with Harriet.  We talk online with video… whether we’re just chatting with text or actually talking.. and I love it.  I feel bad that I spend soo much time with her online talking when I’ve got daniel next to me whom I should be hanging out with.  But in the grand scheme of things… Harriet IS the love of my life… she’s everything to me.  And people gotta realize she takes first priority no matter what.  It doesn’t make me a bad friend, though.  At least I don’t think so.  Because as much as I talk to Harriet and devote what time I can to her while being so far away… I still give my all to the people around me.  I’ve spent lots of time going around with Daniel and engaging in activities alongside Allen.  But I think I’m totally entitled to do all that I wish to do with Harriet.  One thing I don’t think Daniel gets is that Harriet and I DO have a lifelong commitment to each other.. which I wouldn’t expect him to.  That’s something I’d have to tell him.. but there’s just never been any real smooth of way saying it besides, “HEY! Harriet and I are gonna get married one day.. just so you know.”  Mmm.. that’d be lame.  Already he totally supports me sitting in front of a camera talking to her all the time and texting her… so it’s not an issue.  But if he knew just how deeply in love we are, he’d probably be even MORE accepting of the fact.

Hey.  did I mention that daniel and I are already talking of getting an apartment together?  I’m not sure if he’s serious… but I sure am.  I’m definitely getting an apartment next year and if Daniel wants to do it up with me?  That is totes fine.

Whatever.  I’ve come to hate blogging and being on aim.  This is the first blog I’ve truly written for a while… and today’s the first day I’ve been on AIM in… how long?  And I’m really not a fan.

Just goes to show where my heart truly lies these days…  It’s with my friends… my love… and my music.  Not in that order..

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Gobbledigook

August 28, 2008 at 8:32 am (Uncategorized)

Alrighty.  First update in a while!  Haven’t felt like writing… and.. well.. now that I think about it, I don’t feel much up to it now, either.

Bye!

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Another Blog About a Girl

August 22, 2008 at 9:44 am (harriet)
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College is approaching.  How do I feel?  Both excited and scared.  Scared because I just don’t know how everything is gonna go.  Excited because if things go according to plan, this’ll be the best time of my life (before the next best time of my life happens: post-schooling life).  The only reason why I’m scared is because of Harriet.  One of my biggest concerns is getting to see her and having my life/schedule work out in her favor.  Like if she weren’t apart of my life I could get any job, commit to anything, and just not have anyone to truly love and care about… Living life is easy when you don’t need to care about someone else.  But the truth is, I love and adore Harriet.  And having her in my life makes it worth living.  So it won’t be easy figuring out my schedule and getting it just right so I can be with Harriet as much as possible… but it’ll be more than worth it.  That’s the only thing wiggin’ me out.  I really just want to get into college and figure things out NOW instead of always wondering, “Okay… how’s it all going to work out?” 

Don’t get me wrong though: it’ll all work out.  It’ll all work out perfectly.  I just don’t know how at this point… and I can’t know till I’m shoulder-deep at Columbia. 

Here’s my ideal life: I do my classes, work Fridays and Sundays at Demitasse (making over $80 a week), and get lots of flexibility with seeing Harriet.  Then once I feel comfortable enough with my classes and my new lifestyle, get an internship of some sort that caters to my schedule and still be able to free with Harriet.  I guess I could work Tuesdays and Thursdays from like, 11:30-3:30 at Demitasse for even more money.  I just hope my boss is cool with me taking vacations maybe once or twice a month.  I dunno.  As I said: I just gotta get in there and figure shit out.  I can’t sit here and speculate, because speculating gets you absolutely nowhere.  And that’s what’s bothersome at this point.

Making money and seeing Harriet are at the top of my priorities at this point.  I need money to be comfortable and to see Harriet… and I need a job that lets me see Harriet.  So in reality… seeing Harriet is at the top of my priorities.  As it should be!  Because I mean, at the end of the day, all I need is her to be happy.  I know I’m going to excel at Columbia.  That’s a fact: I’m not worried about it in the slightest.  So I’m gonna get a good job some day.  But I really do need her to be exceptionally happy.  You could always make the comment, “There are probably other people just as wonderful if not better than her,” and I would say, “I don’t care.”  Harriet’s perfect for me.  You don’t pass up perfection.  Maybe there is someone just as good as her or even better than her… but I really don’t want that person.  I want and need Harriet.  The point is I don’t desire anything more than what Harriet and I have.  She fulfills all of my needs and exceeds my expectations on a regular basis.  I never sit at home going, “I wish she would do this.”  She is all I could ever want her to be.  She’s all I want in a girlfriend, a lover, a wife- everything.  I always figured I was too picky and would never find the perfect person… then here comes Harriet.  So… suck it.  She’s mine.  Forever and always.

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Outlaw Star

August 18, 2008 at 10:53 pm (anime)
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Anime is really inspiring.  There’s this caliber of storytelling in japanese animation that just can’t be found anywhere.  Grand music, detailed characters, sprawling story-lines, beautiful animation: it all comes together amazingly with anime.  I just finished watching Outlaw Star with DJ.  That’s the second time I’ve ever seen it the whole way through, from start to finish… and I know clearly why a) the person I am today and b) why I love outlaw star so much.

The story of Gene Starwind and Co. is quite extensive and heroic.  Watching Gene in action and seeing him change from a mis-guided sleezeball into a passionate hero is so inspiring.  Seeing the things he accomplishes just instills this sense of greatness inside of me that can’t be ignored.  Watching the show as such a young child had to have played a role in shaping who I am.  As I’m sitting here, wanting to go off and do great things, back then I must have felt the same.  And having first seen the show at such an impressionable age… I’m glad such inspiration made its way into my soul.  I’m sure that witnessing it for the first time made me recognize right and wrong, made me stand up for goodness and reject evil.  Not saying I didn’t know those things before… but it’s reinforcement.  Reinforcement, reassurance- it’s all wonderful.  When you see such a cretin go from directionless to stable and go from standing for nothing to upholding justice… it makes you realize that the good in this world truly is what’s right and worth fighting for.  Not only does the main character of this bad ass show realize good is better than evil, but all the people behind the show creating it and supporting it feel the same way too.  Seeing good prevail in such an involving piece of entertainment really made me want to be a better person and it still does.  It reminds me of why I stand up for the things I stand up for.

For example (there are many, this is just one I can think of immediately)… Gene went around with a bunch of women in the beginning and didn’t care much for them except for their sexual company.  But by the end of the series Gene has a certain respect for women, so much so he commits himself to one person and it’s anything but sexual.  Sometimes I question why I’m so sensitive and moralistic when it comes to love..  It’s so easy to just hook up and not be tied down and be sexually satisfied.  But… where’s the point in all of that?  It’s all just for some quick, conditional fun.  Whereas when you’re a loyal person and involve yourself in a deep love, the rewards are so much more numerous and fulfilling.  Gene’s change of heart reminds me why I’m so committed to Harriet and why I’m more than happy to make her my last ever love.  Gene’s transition is so amazing because it’s like… not only does he stand up for true love by the end, but he CHANGED.  He was one thing… and became another!  Changing one’s ways doesn’t come easy and by witnessing his transformation, that just brings the message home even stronger.

But okay.  I’m exhausted.  I’m surprised I wrote this much.

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Latitude

August 15, 2008 at 11:18 am (emotions)
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Alright, let’s just do a heavy update.  I’ve got time and plenty to say… just gotta figure out how to say it.

Every day has been different.  I’ve never been bored and it’s nice.  Adjusting to life without Harriet is interesting… but it can be done.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  I miss her at every second and if it were up to me?  She’d still be with me.  Having her by my side is what I want all the time more than anything.  But I have to make do with the fact that she isn’t here and I’m doing a nice job.  I’ve been playing lots of Halo, playing lots of guitar, having band practices, seeing people, and ignoring my mother.  It’s been swell.  So maybe I haven’t been doing much… but the time sure manages to pass by nicely.  I’ve been trying to call Harriet every day.  The worst thingt hat happened while I was in California was I semi forgot what her voice sounded like and that scared me for a bit.  All I could think of was what she looked like.  Even then (and now), I miss not being able to look so intently at her beautiful face and see all there is to it: all the curves, the freckles, the lines, the color.  I love that so dearly.  All I can really do is look at a picture or go into my memory bank.  Such deep details of her features aren’t nearly as mesmerizing when I can only look back on them.  Being there presently to take in her beauty is what’s remarkable. 

But yeah.  Back to my point of calling her every day: I never want her to forget what my voice sounds like.. and I know if she can hear it day to day, it makes all the words I write to her through texts and letters so much more real. 

We do a lot of cheesy things… like call to say goodnight before we both go to bed… watch movies together simultaneously… we were even gonna try to go to a same time showing of Tropic Thunder (before i went totally broke).  But I’m a-okay with that.  It’s what makes our love flourish.  Distance ain’t got nothing on us.  I’m okay with telling people I gotta kick them out by 9 cuz I got a movie date with my love… or even when allen was sleeping over I still called to say I love you and goodnight.  It doesn’t matter what others think.  Because when we’re living our perfect lives… we owe it to all these cheesy things that kept us so close when we were so far. 

Fuck I’m hungry.  We’ve got nothing really to eat in this house.  Mom doesn’t bother to keep anything good and she’s cut me of like all money so I can’t go out and either a) buy something or b) get food for the house.  I have to eat what’s here.  Which is nothing.  Or if there is sometihng it’s incredibly boring annd not worth my time.  I’d rather starve.

Dominick’s got back the sushi makers!  That makes me so happy.  A Dragon Roll cut into 12 for $8.  I am so sold.  I love that sushi… it made me so sad when they stopped having it.  All that imitation crab meat bullshit…  That’s not fucking sushi!  Anyone who thinks it is is not deserving of my time in the least.

Talking to Mikey right now.  Trying to get RTA managed.  Looks like I succeeded.  Gosh, RTA is soaring.  We’re going to do epic things.
Apollo’s Dream is back in action, temporarily.  We’re gonna get this album/ep done.
Appastar is always doing good things.
And Par-T-Rex should be doing some cool stuff in the near future.  That’s four bands I’m affiliated with!  I love ittt.

i love anime so much.  I miss not being able to watch it since my account is temporarily on hold thanks to my mom not getting me a new credit card cuz I’m “irresponsible”… which isn’t true in the least.  She’s just a fuck who thinks she knows me.  Lately I’ve been showing my true colors around her and she’s getting a little scared.  She’s realizing she doesn’t know me at all and the lack of talking I do with her must make her upset.  Steven and DJ came over yesterday and I didn’t tell her at all.  DJ came over the day before while Allen was over and I didn’t tell her.  I walk up to her and say, “We’re going out, be back.”  Whatever questions she has, I answer… but I don’t ask anymore.  I do.  I’m sick of all her bullshit.  Warning me about things.. treating me like I’m such a young child… giving me advice that is the worst I’ve ever heard…  I can’t wait to go into college.  Freshman year is the beginning of my tie cutting… sophomore year is the last cut.  That’s the plan.  I hope to move in with Allen and Tim sophomore year and be truly living on my own. 

I’m worried about getting a job.  I want one really badly… but I’m already so busy with music + seeing Harriet that I need a flexible job.  I guess what I gotta do is apply everywhere, see what works, and just be happy with wherever I am, knowing I’ve got flexibility and money.  Yeah.  That’s the mentality I need.  I’d love to work at Gamestop- always have wanted to.  But I don’t think they’d want me… and I refuse to work at Dominick’s or Jewel.  There’s a Whole Foods near me I do believe… I wouldn’t hate working there.  I could easily work 16 hours a week there.  I dunno.  Just gotta apply apply apply.  I’m starting at Demitasse first.  Just to get some easy money rather quickly. 

Ugh.  Thinking all this college stuff over makes my head hurt.  I hate contemplating it and not knowing the reality.  I’m so confused because I really don’t know what to expect.  I just wanna dive head first into it all and get it sorted out now.  I’m okay with summer ending.  My summer ended when Harriet left.  I just want school to come so I can have some fucking clarity.

Anyways.  I’m gonna go.  See you.

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