January 27, 2009 at 9:50 am (harriet)
Tags: angels & airwaves, driving, facts, harriet, naperville, summer
Last summer with Harriet was the greatest time of my life. No other period of time could come close to trumping it. This morning I had the heart-breaking realization that everything we had last year… won’t be here this year. I actually am going to have to try my best to just straight up ignore that fact. It’s one of those things that is obviously always apparent, but it doesn’t sting until you really focus in on it.
We won’t get to go driving around with the windows down having the heat be cut by the cool breeze with Angels & Airwaves blasting.
We won’t get to go buy a cold drink and walk around in Downtown Naperville.
We won’t get to go spend a day at the movies.
Whatever.
I need to stop thinking about it.
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January 25, 2009 at 11:42 pm (harriet)
Tags: harriet, longing
I love this photo of us.
It’s New Year’s Eve… our heads are on one another… our smiles so deep… her hand to my chest.
Turn on Latika’s Theme by AR Rahman & Suzanne and… apparently I can’t help but cry.
I hate this distance. The problems we face wouldn’t arise if we were together. We have never come close to any sort of dilemma when we’ve been together…
The silence we have on the phone wouldn’t occur if we were together; I’ve never known us to have a deafening silence when we’re together… and if we do? It’s not deafening. It’s a lovely silence. One I enjoy so immensely.
I’m so tired of missing her. I’m not depressed, not even sad. But experiencing an intense longing, I am, for sure. And I want it to end. I need it to end.
Here’s to tomorrow.
For it’s a day that brings me closer to my love.
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January 25, 2009 at 2:40 am (Uncategorized)
You can’t describe days like these to others. I can’t blog about it and expect any reader to understand. Plain and simple you must live them and love them. Situations won’t always be perfect… life won’t always be grand. But one thing is for certain… and that’s the fact that every day is a blessing and a gift. I cannot hold back, I cannot try to be anything but my best. There will always be powers that try to stop me from being amazing… but at the end of the day, I have to be stronger than those and keep feeling the warmth.
I feel that warmth when I look at the pictures of harriet and i on my desk… I feel the warmth as I look at the pictures of her atop my printer. Maybe she’s not here… and maybe I can’t feel her. But that doesn’t mean my memories of what we shared can deceive me. Her smile… my smile… they tell tales of blissful harmony.
*sigh* Here’s to speaking the truth and embracing all that’s inside of you. Life gives you one shot… make the absolute most of it.
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January 24, 2009 at 7:21 am (Uncategorized)
Tags: revolutionary road
Haha, okay… so… went to sleep… I’ve woken up… Revolutionary Road is STILL bothering me.
Here’s the quote I came up with before sleeping last night to sum up my thoughts:
“Revolutionary Road made me feel things I never wanted to feel and got so far under my skin, I couldn’t stand being in it.”
Honest to goodness I did not feel well last night; I did not sleep well; I did not have good dreams; and the movie on the whole made me absolutely neurotic. I actually regret seeing the movie entirely because it ended up getting to me far too much. But now I have to admit… it’s clear. RR is an absolutely fantastic, haunting film. I was not realizing how incredible it was until just now when the movie’s painful message is still berating me and making me cold.
No movie has affected me so much. And I know I must sound like such an emotional pansy, but fuck. I encourage YOU to go see it and watch as it melts away the optimism inside of you. The only other person I know who saw this movie said he experienced the same things I did. So I know it’s not some fluke that this movie got to me… It really is a beautifully painful movie event and I think I now may always remember just about every detail in that movie because I cannot shake its bothersome material.
As of right now… I NEED to talk to Harriet. I don’t think I can feel okay again until I talk to her. Especially because the movie was about a deteriorating marriage. I honestly can’t get over how awful this movie has made me feel and don’t think it’s possible for me to see anything like it again.
Here’s to having to work for your good days.
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January 23, 2009 at 11:05 pm (Uncategorized)
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