Censor This

April 21, 2008 at 2:59 pm (creativity)
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So today I got into a lot of trouble for writing an “inappropriate” paper at school.  A copy was given to the dean, to my counselor, and now my teacher is “very disappointed in me” (how many times have I heard that in my lifetime?).  That’s twice this year I’ve had a paper given back to me without a grade because it was inappropriate.  And only last month my mother berated me hardcore about my writing, saying it was “smut” and that she was disgusted by it.

I, personally, am so proud of these things.

I want to start controversy.  I just… love it.  I love being able to enter a room and have stories that’ll make people just go, “Are you serious?”  I couldn’t explain why… but I do.  Having my writing disgust people, having my writing turn heads and make higher ups say, “This is inappropriate” is a proud moment and although I was nervous upon receiving my paper back today… I stopped and said, “Hey. Calm down. You know you enjoy this.”  And it’s true.  I walked into my counselor’s room with the utmost of confidence and played it so casual. 

I was just being myself in his room.  And through my writing.

I hate censorship so much.  That’s what my paper was on, too.  And I became so inspired after watching the Stanley Kubrick documentary in cinema class when they kept talking about how Stanley never listened to anyone.  He always did what he wanted and pushed the envelope all the time.

Gotta love that.

Anyways, I’m really so tired… gotta rest this head… even though… I’ve got so much to do tonight…

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MortFest ‘07

August 18, 2007 at 9:03 am (benet, creativity, parties)

MortFest ‘07 has come and gone… and what a splash it made/success it was.  If you’re unsure of what MortFest is, it’s basically the name for any party I have… which are usually on the small scale.  However, the party thrown last night was much bigger than some tiny shin-dig.  All sorts of people came, and it was on-par with the massive parties my parents have thrown, proving that whether I care to acknowledge it or not, I’m a lot like my mother and father in many ways.  It was such a good time, and all I heard were positive remarks from everyone.  Even Nick and Dan didn’t seem to be complaining (and if they were pissed off or hating it, I would have heard things).  The party was fantastic in the sense that I united and re-united a bunch of different people.  And… that was somewhat of a hidden agenda: one of the whole goals of MortFest was to bring together people from all sorts of different social circles.  I wanted to prove that “groups” mean nothing in high-school, or in life, for that matter.  Good people are good people, and just because someone is in a different social circle, doesn’t mean you can’t invite them to sometihng or hang out with them: it just don’t matter!  Social circles are stupid.  And I don’t necessarilly mean cliques- those are a bit more exclusive/pretentious.  Social circles are a bit more natural and okay to have… but there’s really no reason for them at all.  Glenn complimented me saying that he was proud that I’d managed to have a bangin’ party with no alcohol- which is another point proven: you just don’t need that stuff to have an awesome time/party.  Call me stupid/cliche’ for bragging that I can have a party without alcohol, but it’s sometihng I wouldn’t mind priding myself on.  MortFest ‘07.  It was a good night to remember.  And among all the people there, lots of people didn’t show up.  Crazyyy, right?! 

So I’m addicted to Persona 3 like it’s no one’s business.  While there are many different things I would have done differently with the game, it’s still highly original and awesome compared to like… any RPG I’ve ever played.  So I still find myself completely absorbred and engrossed to the max.  Lately I’ve been very creative in the sense that I’m starting to really think out of the box and be a bit more original in my thoughts.  If someone asked me, “What color would this best look in?” (for anything- a wall color, a dress, etc.), I used to be terrible at coming up with a solution.  Now if you ask me on my opinion of what might be a good idea for anything, I start brainstorming confidently, and at rapid-fire speed with all sorts of nifty solutions and even why they’re good ideas.  It’s a new page in my book that I’m enjoying writing.  But yeah, back to how this pertains to Persona 3: the only thing stopping me from just completely dying every time I play the game (out of esctasy) is because I’ve got ideas in my head to make the game way better.  Most games I play, I just kind of accept what comes… but not anymore, I guess.  I also have my ideas for/of Anime Scene-It and my new Sims idea. 

Really folks: Mae’s new album is love. 

I met someone new last night.  Her name is Hatti Barratt, and I’ve gone to Benet with her for the past 3 years and we’ve never talked.  Not cause it’s like “Yeah, don’t like her, no thanks.”  But it’s more of… we’ve never been in the situation to do so/been given the chance!  And last night Dan brought her (hah, it was weird seeing dan have a ‘date’) and I must say, I had no idea such a bodacious girl was in my class.  I’m really wishing we were friends a lot earlier than… FUCK. Senior year!  Oh well, shit like that happens.  It’s kind of a shame that I’m finally in my prime and I’m now leaving Benet, lol. 

I’m joining a new band.  The Plural of the Sheep has requested my assistence.  We’ll see how this goes.

So yeah!  It’s back to more Persona 3 for me.  I’ll talk to you cool cats later.

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Enough Taco Bell, Dammit

July 5, 2007 at 11:10 pm (creativity, japan, love)

If there’s one thing in my life I’m so incredibly sure of, it’s the fact that I belong in Japan.  Whenever discussions about Japan come up, I feel right at home in the conversation, and any time I see pictures or get a chance to dive into their culture, it all feels so comforting and exciting.  Allen and I have gone on record many a times saying that if we had the chance to move out there without any prior living experience there, we’d both leap at the opportunity, regardless.  And that’s what I’m feeling right now… I wanna go to Japan more than anything.  I wanna go there and feel so alive and happy.  I just don’t belong here in the suburbs of Chicago.  Granted, I love it here, it’s so nice and I wouldn’t wanna trade it for anything… except to live in Japan.  Over there just seems so much more inviting and I know I’d thrive so well.  I’d be continually inspired and destined to work hard.  While here in Wheaton, I feel completely drained.  My creative spark is all but gone for right now.  Everything I do is just a cycle of going through the motions.  Allen mentioned we should get back to recording and I groaned so loud at the thought.  Not that I’m mad at Allen or anything- it’s just that, I dunno… I’m really tired of everything.  Recording, writing, composing, playing: I wanna take this huge break from it all and just turn myself off for a while.  I played video games nonstop with Nick yesterday and today.  And, uhm, I loved it.  It was so nice to just kick back and relaxxx.  Have no real agenda whatsoever.

*sigh* I feel kinda sick… it kicked in as soon as Dan and Nick left for some reason. 

But hey, today was a fabulous day. 

A big ass dinner, Rainbow Six Vegas, Pie, Xbox Live, Gay stories, Dave Chapelle, Dan, Nick, and Samurai 7 coming in made for a pleasing, albeit, very long day.

As for now, I shoulddd get some sleep… I haven’t been sleeping at all lately.  And I hate the people who are all “Well i get less sleep than youuu”… it’s like, who gives two shits?  Point is I’m still tired, no matter how much sleep you get.

Fuckoff.

I really, really, really wish… for love. More than anything.
And for people to mean what they say.

Brian is home from France.  I’m glad he is.  Brian = my really good friend who is in Suburban Warning with me.

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