December 8, 2009 at 10:53 pm (emotions)
Tags: bad day, belly, headaches, johnny a, minus the bear, music, the pillows, weezer
First things first: somehow I keep getting logged out of my wordpress… I’m under the suspicion that someone might know my password…
But seriously. Can we talk about today? I need to vent. Today was shitty as all fuck. I woke up feeling just… off… it was snowing/slushing like crazy outside… I had the worst headache EVER overcome me during both of my classes– my LSR class HAD to be the night where we blasted music for two hours trying to mix it– I didn’t do a damn thing for myself in the way of enjoyment.. I can’t get motivated to do a lick of my huge amount of homework.. and now all I wanna do is fucking play Dragon Age yet the people who contributed $0 to it are occupying it per usual. So now instead I’m sitting here wondering what the fuck to do because a) there’s nothing to do in my room, b) there’s nothing to do in the living room now, c) it’s too late and too cold to go out, and d) somebody can’t get motivated to do his friggin homework. Blech! Fuck it. Tomorrow will be better.
Uhm, highlights of today though? Talking to Harriet. That was the best and I wish I didn’t have to go. Really hoped to talk to her tonight, especially after the gnarly day I had, but she went to bed pretty early. No harm done though– I’d rather her be fast asleep and resting. Also, I bought an album by Johnny A, possibly one of the CoOlEsT artists I’ve heard in a long while. So stoked for that to arrive. Speaking of Johnny, Jon and I are starting to bond pretty hardcore. Well… not hardcore… but a bit of core. After he realized a) I like video games b) I’m great at video games and c) my opinions on video games are actually decent, he’s been wanting to talk to me more and I really like it. It didn’t bother me that we never talked, but it’s definitely a positive thing for us to be talking.
I miss listening to music with others. The stuff I’m really into nowadays just isn’t what other people are into and I don’t get to listen to my music anymore cuz no one wants to hear it. It’s like when I’m blasting blink-182 or Set Your Goals or the Pillows- nobody gets excited. Or when I’m rocking to a good Minus the Bear tune or some classic Weezer– nobody bothers to groove one bit or sing one line. It’ll feel fucking great to go home and blast some AVA with John. While he’s not into all of my music, he at least loves the essentials like blink and Angels & Airwaves. Tight. Without Harriet I ain’t go NOBODY to rock out to with while the Pillows are on. That’s the saddest thing ever. Reason #1 why I don’t listen to the Pillows enough: because I can’t. The stigma of “I can’t understand it,” and their whiny-ass voices kill anyone’s chances of liking them. Believe me. I’ve been trying since I came to college…
I’m starting to get a little belly and I hate it. It’s all this late-night eating because of my stupid-ass late-night classes. I cannot wait for next semester where that gets cut out. I workout regularly, so I can’t complain. But it’ll feel really nice to just be eating healthier again/at normal times.
Anyways. I’ma just try and sleep now. Still feelin’ pretty low. Not sure if it’s the weather, lack of sleep, the bad day, or back to missing Harriet terribly, but I’m feelin’ quite low tonight.
Yeah. Getting into bed with someone who loves me just sounds so fucking good right now.
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December 5, 2009 at 10:27 am (emotions)
Tags: blogs, life, lovemaking, sex, slackers, thoughts
I feel so discombobulated. My life is too hectic and being pulled in so many different directions. I’m hanging out with so many different people, to the point where if I namedrop one friend, the other will have no idea who I’m talking about. And it’s not a bad thing– I’m not here to complain. Just saying I feel like I’ve got my feet in so many different worlds and I haven’t stopped moving all week. Today would be really nice to take to just chill out. Although I’m sure it’ll end up being nothing of the sort.
Last night I saw something that moved me quite a bit. The weirdest part was that it came from the movie Slackers, a teen comedy starring Jason Segel and Jason Schrwartzman. It’s not funny… and actually, I kinda hate the movie. But there was one redeeming part that made me feel something pretty deep. Surprisingly, it was the sex scene. The way the director handled it made you really believe that these two people on screen (Angela and Dave, the two main characters) had really fallen for each other. A few scenes before Angela is telling her roommate (played by Laura Prepon) how crazy about this guy she is and Dave is seriously being a sincere gentleman towards her. When they end up taking a swim in the gym pool in their underwear and start kissing, it feels real. Their connection is endearing and the mix of the great song choice (which no one knows what it is- there are tons of online forums dedicated to finding out what it is and no one has tracked it down) with all the blue, aqueous colors on screen, it gets ya man. And when they get out of the pool and lay down a mountain of towels to strip down and have sex on, it was spot on to some of my own experiences making it even that much more real. I loved the scene so much because finally a director got it right. Sex isn’t about just the pleasure and the fun. While those things are a part of it, there’s another factor often forgotten about. Sex is spiritual, dude. How can you not look at the act of sex and realize that? A man is entering into a woman and an extremely deep connection is being made (no pun intended). When I would tell people I was a virgin, I’d get comments like, “Just stay that way, man. Sex is overrated.” And my comments in response were, “Would it be overrated if you were doing it with a woman you loved and adored and wanted to spend your life with?” The answers were always unanimous… Not a chance. I’m not sitting here trying to preach that everyone should wait until marriage to have sex– just trying to say it’s something so much deeper than “fucking” and I watched a movie last night that nailed the message.
Anyways, I really haven’t much else to say. I know this blog was lackluster as it is, but it felt good writing it. Making love is basically on my mind all the time yet I never talk about it- never vent about my frustrations on the matter and finally laying some thoughts down that are at least in conjunction with what’s on my mind has been sweet. And isn’t that what a blog’s for? To have a place to say what’s on your mind no matter what the content or context?
Word up.
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November 24, 2009 at 1:07 am (emotions)
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November 16, 2009 at 4:12 pm (emotions)
Tags: chicago, happiness, japan, mediocrity, new orleans, routine
Today is a gorgeous overcast day. It’s very dark and the horizon line where the clouds meet the lake is intensely distinct. For whatever reason, when I look out my window it reminds me of New Orleans. Couldn’t tell you why. It’s much like how while driving 355N towards Schaumburg, there’s that stretch of highway that reminds me of Japan. Can’t tell you why! Just the way my mind makes connections.
I miss warm weather already. While looking outside and “seeing New Orleans,” it makes me think of the hot, balmy weather of the south that I actually miss a whole lot. While it was so nice here in Chicago for the entire summer, I had a lot of fun being shirtless while on tour slash at Harriet’s. I see the lake and it makes me want to hop into the ocean with Harriet and play beach ball with a tiny girl we don’t know. And fuck, I can’t wait for the band to acquire the necessary equipment to go on tour again. The entire spanse of tour- from Manifest to that last night and morning with Harriet is easily the greatest time of my life. There are stories I have that still no one has heard because so much went down.
When I am free– when I am completely on my own– I’m everything I want to be. To me, nothing beats having the freedom to do whatever you want. And yeah. When I’m at college I definitely have the freedom to do whatever it is I want… but I’m confined to a city. I really do long for that open road traveling from place to place. I’ve been in one town for basically all of my life and I crave to just go everywhere now. Even while living in Wheaton I’d travel thirty five minutes out to Plainfield just to get Chinese or daytrip to forest preserves just to escape the ordinary. I’m not sure Harriet and I really ever had “repeat weekends” where it was just the same thing over and over like most couples. For us it was always an adventure to see what the weekend would bring when we got together. And that’s just the way I want my life. I don’t want to spend it going from party to party every weekend. That’s why I go home to Wheaton often; that’s why I’ll travel over an hour to go to Kafein; that’s why I see movies at the Music Box instead of AMC; that’s why I’m throwing a bunch of themed parties this Winter (since it’s my season in the apartment to take care of)– I’ve always been an enemy of mediocrity and routine– and I can assure you that will never change about me.
Well, the drive to continue writing has passed. I will end this here!
Take care now.
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October 29, 2009 at 3:28 am (emotions)
It’s 4:22 and I am wide awake. Can’t sleep. Too much on my mind. Too much yearning. This is altogether too many times this semester where I don’t go to sleep because of a heavy heart. I don’t deserve this… but I do admit I’d be a hypocrite if I said I couldn’t handle it. It’s in the Terms & Conditions. The font’s a bit small and I never saw myself having to be in this situation- but it’s there. It’s just one of those things you don’t think you’ll ever have to prepare for. It’s one of those things where you’d guess that if it did happen, it’d take a hell of a lot of bad luck and bad decisions to get you there. It just seems so far fetched… so impossible.
Yet… here I am.
It’s cold in my room. I should try for sleep again. Night.
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