October 29, 2009 at 3:28 am (emotions)
It’s 4:22 and I am wide awake. Can’t sleep. Too much on my mind. Too much yearning. This is altogether too many times this semester where I don’t go to sleep because of a heavy heart. I don’t deserve this… but I do admit I’d be a hypocrite if I said I couldn’t handle it. It’s in the Terms & Conditions. The font’s a bit small and I never saw myself having to be in this situation- but it’s there. It’s just one of those things you don’t think you’ll ever have to prepare for. It’s one of those things where you’d guess that if it did happen, it’d take a hell of a lot of bad luck and bad decisions to get you there. It just seems so far fetched… so impossible.
Yet… here I am.
It’s cold in my room. I should try for sleep again. Night.
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January 23, 2009 at 5:32 pm (emotions)
Tags: persona 4, thoughts
Persona 4 is making me ask myself the deep question of, “Do you suppress feelings?” Is there a version of me that I don’t want to admit exists because I realize the thoughts that sometimes pass through my head aren’t always fair or kind? Do I suppress a side of myself that I don’t want people to see?
Just a thought…
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December 23, 2008 at 11:00 pm (emotions)
Tags: rest, sleep, wits
When I don’t rest I break down. I lose it because… I have no time to maintain it. Tomorrow I need to rest. I need to gather my wits. I need to sit around and do absolutely nothing and just regain who I am. Today was a little stressed with Joan because I just wasn’t feeling like myself- I was overly tired and had a hard time really expressing my thoughts and just overall communicating.
It’s not that I’m sad or unhappy or anything like that! Dooon’t get me wrong. Just acting a bit out of character because I’m so damn tired. Need to regroup; regenerate.
Kaykay, time for bed then.
Sweet dreams.
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October 29, 2008 at 9:10 am (emotions)
Tags: acne, attractiveness, beauty, confidence
I’m having an image crisis right now. My acne is terrible. It kept me up last night because I was thinking of how terrible my face looks. I really don’t know what to do. I cut out all sweets (go ahead, tell me that’s a myth all you want, I guarantee you I will break out after eating chocolate) from my diet, I exercise, my stress levels are low (besides worrying about my face)… why the hell do I have such bad acne?
I can’t even look at myself in the mirror without having to build up the courage to do so first. and I knoww I’m an attractive person when you get rid of my acne… I’m not totally down on my appearance. It’s just my acne that brings me down so much. I see it on my face and I see how hideous it is and I just lose all self-confidence.
During the summer I remember having pretty clear skin… what gives for right now? Why can’t it just go away again? Why did it ever have to flare up?
I went out and bought some new stuff today- gonna see if it makes a difference. Maybe I’ve been using the same stuff for too long? I don’t know. All I know is that I’m highly bothered by the acne on my face and I want it fucking gone. It is so frustrating not to be able to touch my own face. It is so frustrating feeling the pimples on my face. I feel so goddamn unattractive. I feel like I can’t walk into a room and make it shine because everyone’s gonna look at me, notice how shitty my face is, and then think I’m just some dirty shmuck.
I know it sounds retarded… but I want to just feel attractive. I don’t even have to be attractive! I just want to be comfortable in my own skin; which I am clearly not.
Here’s to getting the results I want.
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October 11, 2008 at 7:34 am (emotions)
Tags: sleep
Gah. This needs to stop. I need to sleep regularly for once…
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