Bwahahahahha. I’ve done it. I’ve really made a song that = the pinnacle of my musical excellence. Anything I’ve ever made before just really doesn’t matter. Sure, tunes like Homes for Butterflies and One More Time and even Confession! will always be jaw-dropping… but those are acoustic. In the realm of electric-ness and big-ness and awesome-ness… I’ve achieved all that I’ve wanted to. This song, Odyssey, is almost done and it’s just shaping up to be the greatest thing ever. It combines my obvious pop-inclination, but definitely includes my desire to be complex and well-crafted. Dad and I had a talk about my music last week before seeing Star Trek… he mentioned how How To Use Your Materia was void of any real poppiness, and that hindered my sound. I agreed entirely. He said it wasn’t bad: it was complex, always-changing, a real indicator of a talented musician. However, it wasn’t nearly as loveable as Blue Season and that’s where I failed. Of course I’m taking the lessons learned from HTUYM and applying them to this new album (I can’t believe I’m already at work on one- yikes!) and with this one single song, I’d rather take back all the copies of HTUYM and go “Listen to this instead.” Once perfected, this song will be a beast of a tune that molds mountains and shape the clouds.
I gave it to Glenn in a very early, rough stage, and he commented on how he liked my other stuff better. Not to diss Glenn, but I guess I didn’t really believe those words because I just know that this is the sound I want. He loved Atonement on HTUYM which never repeated itself once and was an example of what I didn’t want to be. I gave it to my broski Adam, and his reaction was, “Yeah, I get that it’s a demo… but this really does have the power to be awesome.” He’s generally not too great with compliments: he gives them out for sure, but the true gravity with which he means to speak is definitely lost… and I know that by him saying it can be awesome, he at least believes those words fully. Dad heard me just singing this last weekend while attempting to record and he commented more than once, “that new tune sounds great” just to make sure I heard him and I remembered that.
When I really think about it, I adore my father. Sure, he’s hardly home. We don’t talk too much. But among the interaction that does happen, there is something sincerely awesome going on between us. He supports my music like it’s no one’s business and genuinely enjoys it. He shows it to everyone he knows and all of them are always awe-struck. That’s the problem with trying to get your music out there… those who know you best will criticize your work and generally not like it… cuz they’re your friend. They know you too well. However, give your music to someone who doesn’t really know you, and you’ll get an honest opinion. So no matter how many of my friends really don’t dig my music, it never matters to me… because there are plenty of people I can name who get extremely excited over my music and want to hear more. This is why I love John so much. He’s got this innocent charm about music that is part naive part selective. He’s quite naive about the world of music and he’s very selective of his music. His opinion would mean a lot to me if it were positive. And let me tell you, John flipped out over HTUYM. He thought it was incredible. And if he loved that? Oh gosh, just for him alone I can’t wait to release Odyssey.
Things are interesting in my life right now. Things are changing. It’s not a bad change- in fact, all the change is putting me at complete control of my life- I’m obtaining power. There’s a certain someone who fell out of my life… and now it seems he’s trying to come back in, but our continuing friendship lies solely in my hands. I decide whether or not we hang out and be pals. And this power spreads over everything I have right now. If I desert John, he’s got nothing. If I desert Nick, he’ll be stuck somewhere he doesn’t wanna be. If I desert Appastar, they’re stuck where they don’t wanna be. If I desert Apollo’s Dream, the band is done for. The revelation of this power is nice… but use it, I won’t. These hands are all about creating good, not bad.
Speaking of good… I couldn’t be happier with the way things are with Harriet. I’m not entirely sure what the deal is with us, but I really don’t plan to find out. We’ve got this bizarre relationship that can’t be detailed and it’s the most exciting thing ever. It’s casual. It’s comfortable. But it’s overflowing with sincereity. I have no desire for clarity, because sometimes clarity uncovers things that just don’t need to be explained. What we have is mystifying, if you ask me, and such a state is rather unique and undeniably awesome. Nevertheless, I do feel that before long the truth to what we have will be revealed and I look forward to that truth. Sure, this thing we’re apart of is awesome and stuff, but stability is just as nice, I suppose. Tonight, if all goes well, we’ll be seeing Beowulf, and that’ll be ace.
Ugh, now I’m starving as hell. I gotta get sometihng to eat.
