Homes for Butterflies

If there’s one thing in my life I’m so incredibly sure of, it’s the fact that I belong in Japan.  Whenever discussions about Japan come up, I feel right at home in the conversation, and any time I see pictures or get a chance to dive into their culture, it all feels so comforting and exciting.  Allen and I have gone on record many a times saying that if we had the chance to move out there without any prior living experience there, we’d both leap at the opportunity, regardless.  And that’s what I’m feeling right now… I wanna go to Japan more than anything.  I wanna go there and feel so alive and happy.  I just don’t belong here in the suburbs of Chicago.  Granted, I love it here, it’s so nice and I wouldn’t wanna trade it for anything… except to live in Japan.  Over there just seems so much more inviting and I know I’d thrive so well.  I’d be continually inspired and destined to work hard.  While here in Wheaton, I feel completely drained.  My creative spark is all but gone for right now.  Everything I do is just a cycle of going through the motions.  Allen mentioned we should get back to recording and I groaned so loud at the thought.  Not that I’m mad at Allen or anything- it’s just that, I dunno… I’m really tired of everything.  Recording, writing, composing, playing: I wanna take this huge break from it all and just turn myself off for a while.  I played video games nonstop with Nick yesterday and today.  And, uhm, I loved it.  It was so nice to just kick back and relaxxx.  Have no real agenda whatsoever.

*sigh* I feel kinda sick… it kicked in as soon as Dan and Nick left for some reason. 

But hey, today was a fabulous day. 

A big ass dinner, Rainbow Six Vegas, Pie, Xbox Live, Gay stories, Dave Chapelle, Dan, Nick, and Samurai 7 coming in made for a pleasing, albeit, very long day.

As for now, I shoulddd get some sleep… I haven’t been sleeping at all lately.  And I hate the people who are all “Well i get less sleep than youuu”… it’s like, who gives two shits?  Point is I’m still tired, no matter how much sleep you get.

Fuckoff.

I really, really, really wish… for love. More than anything.
And for people to mean what they say.

Brian is home from France.  I’m glad he is.  Brian = my really good friend who is in Suburban Warning with me.