Love In the Office.

October 27, 2009 at 10:33 am (relationships)
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Last week I started watching the Office regularly after I caught a bit of it on TBS.  I thought the show was rather witty and had to see what else it could offer.  Sure enough, in less than a week with my busy schedule I got through the first season (which was only a meager 6 episodes) and am now getting through season 2.  The biggest joy of watching the American Office, for me, comes from watching Jim and Pam.  Pam is engaged to Roy, a worker in the Dunder Mifflin warehouse, but is complete best friends with Jim, while Jim is definitely so into Pam.  Their story is the classic tale of guy and girl are best friends, but guy can’t tell her for some reason- the reason being Pam and Roy’s engagement.

I love watching Jim and Pam’s relationship play out because they’re so adorable together.  Pam is this cute, innocent girl, and Jim is a quirky, intelligent gentleman.  Clearly the best part of each other’s day is when they get to talk to each other and engage in office pranks.  They’re always smiling together, always having a good time… I love seeing that on screen.  I know that in the later seasons Jim and Pam DO get together and there’s even an episode where Jim buys them a house without asking Pam and he sets up an art studio in the garage for her.  Sound like anything else you might guess?

Seeing how Pam and Jim are together is like seeing a really good couple together or witnessing a 30th year anniversary between a wife and husband- it’s just heartwarming to see and it’s my favorite part of the Office.  The best part is just knowing that Jim totally deserves Pam and vice versa.  John Krasinski’s character is a high-profile television figure who represents everything a nice guy should be.  He’s a lot like Marshall, in that sense, from How I Met Your Mother, but Jim’s softer- definitely more refined and smarter.  Jim’s the guy opening a car door for a lady and being completely in-tune with someone else’s emotions and knowing exactly what to do and say to spread good vibes.  Like the episode where Michael buys a house and is crushed because he feels it was a terrible choice?  Jim presents Mike and Dwight with the Gold and Silver medals for the Office Olympics they didn’t even participate in which leaves Michael in joyful tears because he’s so touched by the gesture.

It’s just really nice to see such a man of good character on T.V.

And then there’s Pam Jam who’s generally so soft-spoken, but totally opens up when Jim’s nearby.  She’s always concerned for him and looking out for his best interest.  Like the time when Jim entered Michael’s office and everyone thought he might be getting fired?  She was the first one to dart at him, grab his hand, and hurriedly ask if everything was okay.  And then there’s the way that Pam takes it upon herself to find new ways of entertaining Jim while at work because she knows he’s a wonderful guy stuck in a crappy job.  Pam also knows how to stand up for herself and doesn’t take shit she doesn’t like from others.  She’s really just a classy, kind-hearted woman.

If you don’t watch the Office, you should really give it a shot.  Netflix has all the seasons on Instant Play and they’re an absolute joy to watch.  I don’t entirely laugh every second, but I’ve gotten very invested in certain characters already and it’s highly entertaining.  Most specifically, Jim and Pam’s story is beyond delightful and I cannot wait to see where everything goes.

Here’s to nice guys finding nice girls.

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Smile With Me Now.

October 23, 2009 at 11:20 pm (relationships)
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This weekend has already rekindled a certain amount of excitement in me for something I haven’t discussed in quite some time.  Like I always used to, I’m now in a constant state of daydreaming about the future.  Why do so many blogs and so many thoughts of mine dwell on what hasn’t happened yet?  Because it fucking excites me!!  Sure, I make the most of my life now and I have a great fucking time every single day.  But man.  I cannot wait to be done with college and start a chapter of my life I have been waiting upon for so so long.

It all started on the train when Erik, Joe, and I were talking about having kids and how we’d shirk our responsibilities to make decisions for them by telling them to “Go ask Uncle Steve,” who then might say, “Don’t do that or you’ll end up like Uncle Joe!”  Fuck yeah I wanna be able to do that.  I wanna visit my friends with my kids and I totally want to meet my friends’ kids.  It’ll blow my mind to see little Johnny Nowobilski’s running around and you know I want to be a bad influence on Melinda’s children.

Then when I got in the car and there was Isabelle and Ariel… gosh.  It just melted my heart down to nothing.  I love interacting with Isabelle, watching her be all shifty with me and stealing smiles at me.  But then this was the huge point in my day where I happily freaked out.  For the first time in years I held a baby today.  For whatever reason I took it upon myself to watch over Ariel and when I lifted her out of her car seat a sensation I’ve never felt shot through me.  It was completely one of happiness and comfort.  I held her thinking, “Gosh… I can’t wait for this to be my kid.”  I talked to her… made her laugh… made her feel wanted.  You can bet I’ll make it my life goal to just be the best dad in the absolute world.  And what’s more is that the whole time I felt this and interacted with the kids, I wanted to tell Harriet.  And when she called and I got the chance to, hearing her laugh joyfully on the other end saying, “Can you wait like four years?” left me speechless.  I didn’t know what to say because every bit of me went on lockdown and froze on the thought of having children with her.  And that’s what makes all these thoughts the most wonderful: the idea of sharing it all with Harriet.  That girl is so much more than just a girlfriend or a lover- she’s everything to me.  I look at her and see all the scattered pieces of my life coming together to form a beautiful mural that has every part of my life worked out perfectly.  I see a beautiful wife, a dutiful mother- I see the “World’s Greatest” everything when I look at her.  And that’s why I’m so fucking excited for the future.  Because from where I’m standing, the view is so incredible and I would trade it for nothing else.

I basically crave love.  That’s all it boils down to.  And I crave it from the family I refer to as “my wife and kids.”  That’s just who I am… it’s just how I operate.

I can’t wait for just a couple more years to pass.  I want this all far too much to ever let it slip through my fingers.  Just as I want to be the perfect father, I want to be the perfect husband- the perfect lover and I will always give the love I am apart of with Harriet my greatest effort.  And I can do it unwaveringly… because it all comes so goddamned easily. :-)

Goodnight, world.  Smile with me now.

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M.I.A.

February 21, 2008 at 7:19 am (music, relationships)
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There are some things I want to say.  But I don’t want to say them… because even I don’t want to admit what’s lurking around in my head.  But let’s just say… I feel almost too good.  I feel too empowered.  I need to be brought back down…

Harriet told me something once.  Well, she asked me really… but she asked if I ever talked to Danielle anymore.  I responded, “not really” and she was almost confused by that.  How could I let someone into my life for such a while and go from being the best of friends to basically nothing?  The truth is, it’s easy to do those things when you’re me… I’ve got this mindset where it’s easy to shut people out, bring people in, and just live life however I choose.  But since that day (which was a while ago), I’ve consistently wanted to try and mend things with Danielle.  The other day I finally had a reason to maybe talk to her, instead of the whole, cliche’d, “Hey, sorry for my mistakes, let’s be friends again, okay?”  And when she responded to what I had to say, her words indicated she was rather happy to hear from me?  And I must admit I was too.  So naturally I told her we should play catch up and grab something to eat sometime…  She’s definitely up for it.  And I feel great about that. 

Because I mean, as much of a rather messy breakup we had… and maybe I don’t agree with all the choices she makes… I’ve been away from her long enough to not care about the lifestyle choices she makes.  I’m at that point where I can just take her for her and not let personal, romantic feelings get in the way.  I can appreciate her friendship for every bit it’s worth.

So I’m probably seeing the Foo Fighters Monday?  Talk about an amazing change of events.  I gotta admit… I didn’t know how to react around Harriet when she said she’d go with me to see them regardless of the fact that she basically hates them.  That was like… the greatest thing she could have ever said.  I wanted to like, freak out, but I didn’t freak out, so I acted really awkwardly… but shit.  Since the idea of actually going was now in my head I told her, “Look… I’ll search a little harder for someone to go with me… but you’ll really go if I can’t?”  “Yes.”  Oh gosh I wanted to smother her with so much love.  Dallas Green, Dave Grohl, Tom Delonge, and Sawao Yamanaka (and their respective bands) influence me and inspire me the most in my life.  The Foo Fighters are like, what got me into rock music in the first place… so this is a really huge deal.  Seeing as music is my life, etc. etc.  And I was soo set on seeing them in the first place with Glenn but he had to back down because of the musical… so to hear that I might actually go all because Harriet was willing to stifle her hatred and think of me… man.  That is huge if you ask me.   I ended up calling Mike and I was like “how would you like to see the foo fighters on monday?”  He was all “I would love to.”  So that was rad.  I wish I called him in the first place.  I forget that we’re still good friends… just not close friends.  So hopefully we’ll be going together.  It’ll be like old times… aka RAD times.

Friday I’m performing at the MUSE Coffeehouse at Benet.  Got some surprises up my sleeve, only not really.  Just a really good performance, I hope.  I’ll be warming up with a quick version of Not Now by blink-182 which seamlessly segways into my own song Sweet Lime and then I’ll be playing One More Time.  If Melinda is still sick, I’ll be taking her time… which means I’ll play Canopy and probably Pain.  Should be rather exciting.  Then of course Joan and I are playing Ladybird Girl by the Pillows.  So yes, we’re singing a song all in Japanese.

Kay, gotta go to schoo!l!l!l!l!l!

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Hello, New Year.

December 30, 2007 at 11:40 pm (relationships)
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I said I’d wait a long time to blog… but it’s been a couple days and I’d like to just sort my head out right now.  Not in a bad way though!  Oh no… not in the least.  It’s time I wrote about some rather auspicious dealings going on.

The first thing I kinda want to address is my friendship with Nick.  For a while there I was worried about us.  It seemed that we just weren’t really clicking as well as we used to.  I never once intentionally ditched him or distanced myself from him, but it was more of a natural thing happening.  However, when I went over for Christmas and have now seen him the past two days, I remember now why we’re such good friends.  Sure, we listen to different music.  Have different tastes in music.  Have different ideals, opinions, etc. etc.  But in the end you just can’t beat the company of someone who’s real and genuine.  Somehow we found a way to care about one another and when someone cares about you, it’s impossible to deny their company.  So I’m proud and happy to admit that things with Nick are as good as ever.  And they will remain so.

Speaking of being good though, I couldn’t be happier with the way things are going with Harriet.  I’m really warming up to her.  That’s an awkward statement because it suggests a lot of different things… but basically, I’m starting to really be comfortable with her in a romantic sense.  I’m not afraid to grab her hand at random times or give her a hug whenever I feel like it.  I’m okay with leaning in and kissing her without a thought and telling her whatever comes to my head.  Things have always been so easy with her on a conversational level, now things are so easy on a romantic level.  I’ve seen her so much over break and she’s been to my house every day except today since my toe got worked on.  That speaks volumes to me.  She even almost came over today!  I’m so happy to have her in my life.  But I must say, going just one day without her made me miss her.  It was nice though to miss her… because it wasn’t in a “Oh my gosh, I’m so sad without her!” deal.  It was a “Damn I miss that girl, I certainly can’t wait to see her next.”  Which is really good to feel, if you ask me.  This relationship just transcends anything I’ve ever been apart of or felt before.  As I’ve mentioned before in past blogs…. this is the real deal here.  This isn’t some sham that is held up by splintering wood beams.  This is a skyscraper leading to the stars that can’t be knocked over by the strongest of forces.  Just thinking about her and what we have can make me smile and warm this soul of mine. 
Tomorrow we’ll be ringing in the New Year together.  You’ll be hardpressed to find a happier man on the planet when that moment comes.

But yes, tomorrow.  New year’s eve.  My oh my do I have lots planned!

Glenn’s coming over around 9:30- baller!  We’re just spending the day together doing whatever and recording.  You can bet a lot of Asian stuff will be going down- sugoi!  We’re probably even going to Todai with Joan! Hooray!  Glenn means a lot to me.  I’ll be glad to spend so much time with him.  Nay, I’ll be overjoyed to spend so much time with him.

And this is why life is so wonderful.  I have barely said a tihng about me.  This entire blog is about other people.  Other people who provide so much excitement and happiness.  God is watching over me and is blessing me every day.  This I am sure of… so always pray for you, I will.

I really want to keep going on with this blog, but I have nothing else to really ramble on about except about how happy I am.  2007 was a fantastic year.  It was filled with a lotttt of excitement, both bad and good.  It had a million and one new beginnings.  2008 is the year where I see everything I’ve started just bloom into a huge field of flowers.

You can bet I’m excited.

p.s.- Syed told me a story today that made me simply melt with glee.  “My mom woke me up at 10 today and said, ‘let’s go visit your friend in the hospital!’  I had to explain to her that you were out of work till the 8th, not in the hospital.”  Syed’s mom asks about me a lot… yet I’ve never even met the woman.  And apparently she oddly cares about me too.  That’s so interesting/endearing to hear. 

Hah… I love you, life.  And I love all of you people in it.

Shine your pretty smile all over town.

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Morning Doubts

December 28, 2007 at 5:11 am (relationships)
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It’s 5:03AM.
What am I doing up.

Oh… that’s right.
I only awake like this when sometihng’s bothering me.
I can’t sleep only when truly something is under my skin.

I haven’t done this in who knows how long…

And I’m only doing this because I disrupted a peace that shouldn’t have been disrupted.  I said something that just wasn’t true and made a girl think that my open sincereity might not be so… sincere.  I wish I didn’t feel all the negativity I do right now…  But it can’t be helped.  I need Harriet in my life.  After knowing how alive she can make me feel, I absolutely need to have her in my life and know everything is in top shape between us.  I just need to see her right now… I need to know that everything is fine.  John tells me I’m worrying too much, I say I’m just reacting in the normal sense.  Harriet is so special to me… and just in another blog I said I was making it my goal to be the best boyfriend possible… and already I’m failing like a chump. 

I hate how one comment I made is unravelling my world though.  I mean… if I logically think about it, I’ve spent hours with her just talking- over coffee, over lunch, in the car, at school, I’ve met her family, met her friends, been making the best effort I can to read books that are important to her, been trying to inspire her lovely creativity, made the best effort to see her as much as I can, I’ve remembered story after story and detail after detail- one little comment I’ve made about being completely alone and enjoying it as such shouldn’t be able to come in the way of all that!  Especially when I just didn’t mean it…  The truth is I guess… I only feel so vulnerable and defeated over such a small thing… because of my sincereity.  I’ve decided to take my heart and put it on the table for her to see.  When it’s out there so naked and cold, I’m bound to feel a little negativity sometimes.

But you know… I guess if I really love her… I’ll find a way through this.  We’ll find a way through this.

I pray that today I find clarity.  I pray, I pray, I pray.

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