Thoughts of an Audio Engineer In Training

May 13, 2009 at 8:24 am (Uncategorized)
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I just absolutely crushed my Production 2 Final.  I finished it within a half hour and I was leaps and bounds the first person done.  I studied really hard for this test and when it came time to apply what I’d learned, it all came down in one fluid motion.  No stopping and thinking, just pure writing for those thirty minutes.  

I have to go back to Prod 2 by 9:40- that’s when class is resuming- but I just wanted to come back to my room to listen to some music, share some thoughts, and grab some food before I continue with my day.  

It occurred to me during my final how “on the right track” I really am.  Last night this senior here at Columbia who’s in the same concentration as me saw my final notes and was like, “Oh my gosh, I haven’t seen this crap in so long- can I take a look?”  See.  While the information I’m learning right now is sometimes super intense and way over my head, it really is all a bunch of information I don’t TRULY need to know to be a successful audio engineer.  What I’m learning right now is set to make me the BEST audio engineer.  So it’s like, Columbia is teaching me all the science and the logic to producing and after listening to endless amounts of varying music, I’ve taught myself aspects to audio producing you can’t learn anywhere; stuff you can only feel, which you either have or you don’t.  But what made me really happy today was that even though I’m learning all this far-out stuff that sometimes seems ridiculous to commit to memory, I’m still applying myself 100% and I AM learning everything.  Basically what I’m trying to say is that I really do have a future in music producing, I can feel it more than ever, and I’m so excited to get there.  

I don’t know everything.  I still have a long way to go.  But my eagerness to know information and my willingness to be corrected and be wrong all have me filled with such hope that one day I will be some great music producer.  I’m not set in my ways- I’m totally down for always learning… and this will be my greatest advantage when it comes to securing the sky.  

Sure, maybe Erik and Joe are better at knowing the logic to these things; a lot of people are better at understanding all the science and math than me- but if I’ve learned anything this past week, they can’t FEEL a song worth a damn.  So many people lack the musical intuition deep inside them which allows them to craft a song and truly be a great, participating engineer.  And even though I’m still such a freshie when it comes to audio engineering… I’m so on the right path and I’m so ready to keep learning.

I can’t be afraid of feeling overwhelmed, of feeling stupid, of feeling wrong.  It’s going to happen!  That’s why I’m going to school for this stuff.  So long as I just remember that an open mind is the greatest asset to my future endeavors, I can’t fail.  I simply don’t have it in me to accept defeat.

Shit yeah.

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Latitude

August 15, 2008 at 11:18 am (emotions)
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Alright, let’s just do a heavy update.  I’ve got time and plenty to say… just gotta figure out how to say it.

Every day has been different.  I’ve never been bored and it’s nice.  Adjusting to life without Harriet is interesting… but it can be done.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  I miss her at every second and if it were up to me?  She’d still be with me.  Having her by my side is what I want all the time more than anything.  But I have to make do with the fact that she isn’t here and I’m doing a nice job.  I’ve been playing lots of Halo, playing lots of guitar, having band practices, seeing people, and ignoring my mother.  It’s been swell.  So maybe I haven’t been doing much… but the time sure manages to pass by nicely.  I’ve been trying to call Harriet every day.  The worst thingt hat happened while I was in California was I semi forgot what her voice sounded like and that scared me for a bit.  All I could think of was what she looked like.  Even then (and now), I miss not being able to look so intently at her beautiful face and see all there is to it: all the curves, the freckles, the lines, the color.  I love that so dearly.  All I can really do is look at a picture or go into my memory bank.  Such deep details of her features aren’t nearly as mesmerizing when I can only look back on them.  Being there presently to take in her beauty is what’s remarkable. 

But yeah.  Back to my point of calling her every day: I never want her to forget what my voice sounds like.. and I know if she can hear it day to day, it makes all the words I write to her through texts and letters so much more real. 

We do a lot of cheesy things… like call to say goodnight before we both go to bed… watch movies together simultaneously… we were even gonna try to go to a same time showing of Tropic Thunder (before i went totally broke).  But I’m a-okay with that.  It’s what makes our love flourish.  Distance ain’t got nothing on us.  I’m okay with telling people I gotta kick them out by 9 cuz I got a movie date with my love… or even when allen was sleeping over I still called to say I love you and goodnight.  It doesn’t matter what others think.  Because when we’re living our perfect lives… we owe it to all these cheesy things that kept us so close when we were so far. 

Fuck I’m hungry.  We’ve got nothing really to eat in this house.  Mom doesn’t bother to keep anything good and she’s cut me of like all money so I can’t go out and either a) buy something or b) get food for the house.  I have to eat what’s here.  Which is nothing.  Or if there is sometihng it’s incredibly boring annd not worth my time.  I’d rather starve.

Dominick’s got back the sushi makers!  That makes me so happy.  A Dragon Roll cut into 12 for $8.  I am so sold.  I love that sushi… it made me so sad when they stopped having it.  All that imitation crab meat bullshit…  That’s not fucking sushi!  Anyone who thinks it is is not deserving of my time in the least.

Talking to Mikey right now.  Trying to get RTA managed.  Looks like I succeeded.  Gosh, RTA is soaring.  We’re going to do epic things.
Apollo’s Dream is back in action, temporarily.  We’re gonna get this album/ep done.
Appastar is always doing good things.
And Par-T-Rex should be doing some cool stuff in the near future.  That’s four bands I’m affiliated with!  I love ittt.

i love anime so much.  I miss not being able to watch it since my account is temporarily on hold thanks to my mom not getting me a new credit card cuz I’m “irresponsible”… which isn’t true in the least.  She’s just a fuck who thinks she knows me.  Lately I’ve been showing my true colors around her and she’s getting a little scared.  She’s realizing she doesn’t know me at all and the lack of talking I do with her must make her upset.  Steven and DJ came over yesterday and I didn’t tell her at all.  DJ came over the day before while Allen was over and I didn’t tell her.  I walk up to her and say, “We’re going out, be back.”  Whatever questions she has, I answer… but I don’t ask anymore.  I do.  I’m sick of all her bullshit.  Warning me about things.. treating me like I’m such a young child… giving me advice that is the worst I’ve ever heard…  I can’t wait to go into college.  Freshman year is the beginning of my tie cutting… sophomore year is the last cut.  That’s the plan.  I hope to move in with Allen and Tim sophomore year and be truly living on my own. 

I’m worried about getting a job.  I want one really badly… but I’m already so busy with music + seeing Harriet that I need a flexible job.  I guess what I gotta do is apply everywhere, see what works, and just be happy with wherever I am, knowing I’ve got flexibility and money.  Yeah.  That’s the mentality I need.  I’d love to work at Gamestop- always have wanted to.  But I don’t think they’d want me… and I refuse to work at Dominick’s or Jewel.  There’s a Whole Foods near me I do believe… I wouldn’t hate working there.  I could easily work 16 hours a week there.  I dunno.  Just gotta apply apply apply.  I’m starting at Demitasse first.  Just to get some easy money rather quickly. 

Ugh.  Thinking all this college stuff over makes my head hurt.  I hate contemplating it and not knowing the reality.  I’m so confused because I really don’t know what to expect.  I just wanna dive head first into it all and get it sorted out now.  I’m okay with summer ending.  My summer ended when Harriet left.  I just want school to come so I can have some fucking clarity.

Anyways.  I’m gonna go.  See you.

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Back Seat Dog

June 9, 2008 at 9:58 am (emotions)
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All I can do is listen to the Pillows, as of late. No other band is suiting my palatte more than them. Like this morning I had on a pretty average song by them and was like, “Okay, time to change it up,” and the second I steered away from their music, I realized that I’d rather stick with an average pillows song than listen to anything else. They just really are the perfect band for me.

Kinda like Harriet is the perfect girl for me.
Or Columbia is the perfect school for me.

I’m kinda swimming in a sea of perfection, it seems.

Well, not everytihng is perfect. But it’s all on the way.

Ugh. I’m so listless. I’ve got a thousand and one thoughts, but no drive to put them down in the least.

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Di di di

June 1, 2008 at 6:58 am (emotions)
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Alright, here it is. My final blog for a long time. I’m not interested in documenting my summer- I’m interested in living it. One thing I realized yesterday was how jampacked every day is that I have. When I got home from a day with Harriet I kinda stood around for a few minutes thinking, “Wow, I feel like I did nothing today…” But then when I went back and thought about it, her and I accomplished so much: we went joyriding with all the windows down, we went to Maxwell’s, we went to an Asian market and bought vanilla mochi, we went to a park and got ice cream all over each other and wrote a card, then went for a walk, then sat on the nicest bench with the greatest view ever while the wind blew sweetly around us, then we went to a grad party where we were the center of attention a lot of the time and where I met a kid named luke, and dominated in volleyball with a guy named Dan, and then we went to Dave’s grad party where we attempted to solve dj’s love problems and we yet again were pretty much at the center of things. That was what we did from 12:45-8:05. In less than 8 hours all that got accomplished. Yet when I got home I’d like, forgotten all that happened, because it all just meshed together. All I could really comprehend was that I had a great day. And that’s how every day is with her. I don’t realize how amazing it is until I get the chance to sit down and think about it… because there’s so much! And instead of rationalizing all I do and sorting it all out with a blog, I’m just gonna say fuck it and keep living life.

Summer officially starts today after graduation. I’m not very interested in going and I’m actually gonna talk my parents out of taking me to the White Chocolate Grill, cuz I’d honestly rather go to Red Robin. I’m just not interested in luxurious things. With electronics? Yeah. I like the best of the best. But that’s the only thing I enjoy spending money on. I actually hate spending a lot of money on food: I just enjoy paying for quality food… not mcdonald’s and shit. But the White Chocolate Grill is one of those places that is just overly expensive and I have no interest in that. I don’t have an interest in expensive clothes. I don’t see the point in expensive furniture. I won’t buy expensive music cds or dvds. But hey, back to my point about not wanting to go to graduation or dinner: I’ve got no desire in all these formal gatherings. More than anything I’d rather just go off and do something with Harriet. We haven’t made love in two days: that’d be fun. We haven’t just sat back and relaxed since Tuesday, that’d be fun too. Bah, I just want to be with her. Friday was the perfect day: I got to hang with Appastar AND have Harriet by my side AND play a show.

I don’t usually like doing things with other people. I only want to be with Harriet. But that’s because I guess I really have no interest in hanging with the people from Benet. The only person I enjoy being with immensely is Glenn and he’s never available for me. But like, I have no problem spending a day with Appastar- Allen, Tim, Chris, and Zeph. I don’t feel like I’m being cheated out of not seeing Harriet: I feel like I’m having a fantastic time and Harriet is given a chance to do whatever she wants to do. Granted, I always want her with me… so that’s what’s great about appastar: they’re all cool that she joins up with us anyways! Then I love hanging with Will: but he’s so hard to get a hold of. But yeah. Graduating from benet: guess it doesn’t mean too much to me because… no one there means that much. I’ve got some great friends and they’ve helped get me through one or all of the years at Benet… but I never made any truly lasting relationships. When I hear the phrase “lasting friendship” I think of two people: Glenn and Joan. I just don’t know about anyone else.

I’m not sure if I want to go to columbia anymore. I was so excited about it until two things happen: a) I fell so deeply in love with Harriet and b) appastar became whole. Now I’d give anything to jsut play music and be with Harriet down in new orleans. But hey. Whatever, can’t have everything. Or… can i?

I’m done writing.

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Day Two

May 11, 2008 at 1:38 pm (emotions)
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I thought I knew fully well what i was going to be doing with my life.  Since 6th grade I’ve been forming ideas and always having some general idea of what it is exactly I want to do with myself.  I thought I knew what I wanted to do two days ago.  I thought I knew what I wanted to do yesterday morning…  But between last night and now… I don’t know what I want to do anymore.  I’m… a little lost.  The only facet I’m sure of is that I want to be with Harriet.  That’s my only desire at this point.

I’m still gonna make music.  I’m still gonna write.  I’m still gonna dream.  But I’m losing the drive to have a plan.  I’m really not all that excited about columbia anymore.  Dropping everything and just seeing the world with Harriet sounds so much more inviting.  and I’m not just fantasizing right now…  That’s a legitimate plan I’d go through with if she was willing.  Get a job for a year, saving up and saving up… then just going.  Taking my chances in the world.  i dunno. my love for her is a little overwhelming.  It’s so overwhelming because… it’s all reciprocated.  I feel it, too. 

Gah.  I feel sick.  Need to get out… but don’t know how.  It’s too cold and nowhere to go.  

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