Hope.
March 22, 2008 at 8:10 am (Romancing The Angels)
Tags: mort, music, Romancing The Angels
High five!
March 9, 2008 at 6:02 pm (Uncategorized)
Tags: appastar, best buy, birthday, college, corbett, facebook, harriet, love making, me, mort, music, parties, patapon, waiting, writing
Permit me to just unleash a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions in a nonsensical order and fashion.
First off: okay, so, glad I don’t lead the lives of half the people around me. I just came to the realization that a lot of people take pictures for fun. Like… that’s what they do. To have fun. I just looked at a random photo album on facebook that had a ton of pictures of just these girls hanging out in a kitchen doing stupid poses. Then I realized that a ton of photo albums are like that on facebook! I also saw a picture of a party going down… all I saw were people standing around in a kitchen with drinks in their hands. If you saw the pictures from my party last night you would see people half naked, my face in corbett’s crotch, john decking harriet, people screaming at halo— you’d see a REAL party! Harriet and I agree… our friends know how to party best.
Secondly: blackberries are fucking good. and so is water. and fresh salsa. not combined… but… separately.
Thirdly: I’m pretty sure I officially have no secrets with Harriet. I told her a lot today that she’s never heard and it felt good. Such things as how I’m totally willing and prepared to wait for her during college. We can do it. We can stay in touch. We can stay a part of each other’s lives. We can love each other for the rest of our lives if we’re game enough. As she said… “I can’t believe how this is the most sure thing in my life and it’s only been here for about four months.”
Fourthly: always gotta try to bring the awesome. bringing the awesome makes the world a more awesomer place.
Fifthly: I bought Patapon after a nice amount of craziness at Best Buy. I’m stoked to play it.
Sixthly: This week is gonna kick ass.
Sevently: I no long feel unaccomplished. I even got a high five for my deeds.
Sweet Baggy Days
November 18, 2007 at 8:21 am (apollo's dream, friends, love, relationships)
Tags: apollo's dream, blink-182, halo 3, harriet, john, life, love, mort, nick, writing, xbox 360
Lately I’ve been wanting to blog alot. Is it because I have sometihng important to say? No, not at all. Is it because there’s a lot on my mind? Sure, there always is, but I have yet to share anything heavy with you. But I think there’s a simple answer to why, really. I want to change the world.
I really, really wish to use these two hands, my brain, my words, my heart- anything I can to try and help shape this world in some way. Even if it’s only one person in this life that I ever help out, I want to be able to do that and spread some good. And it was after a comment I got a long time ago on my WordPress where someone said, “I love reading your blogs, it makes me feel comfortable; your optimism makes me happy.” That came from a complete stranger whom to this day I don’t even know- but their words inspired something inside of me. I figure, if my words can reach out and touch, possibly grab someone, I might as well attempt to connect with anyone I can with any thoughts that I have. And that’s why I write. I write so that I can inspire, so I can intrigue, so I can change. I want to share my ideas, my plots, my visions and show them to the world.
So with that out of the way… here’s a Mortimer Update.
Each day gets better and better. I find myself happier and happier. I’m smiling more. I’m saying “I love you” more. I’m just in this perfect state that I refuse to let be altered.
Working Friday night with Syed and Derek was just so awesome. All three of us haven’t been together in the same shift for who knows how long, and it was so good to experience all that again. Afterwards Harriet came over and it was just the way nights should be spent. I was dead tired, but being in her company was enough for me to just feel so at ease and so happy. I had no idea I’d find someone as amazing as her in my final year at Benet.
I’ve gone through life meeting exciting person after exciting person. I know such a range of people and all of them are so different. However, I seriously have never met anyone like Hatti. If you took everything in a person I could want and need- that’s her. Sometimes it’s shocking. I’m sure she doesn’t feel even close to the way that I do seeing as I’m something of an idiot, but it really doesn’t matter if she recirpocates the feeling or not. We don’t say “Hey, great job” to hear it back. We don’t say “I love you” just to have it returned. We express our true feelings to express our true feelings and nothing more. You shouldn’t go off giving compliments or exposing your heart just to have the same words said back. Whatever niceties we relinquish, we should say merely because we believe in them and want that person to know just how we feel. So even if Hatti never feels the same way: that just doesn’t matter to me. Regardless, my life is changed and it’s incredibly better.
It’s not just her though that has contributed to this perfection. Last night Nick was over and we started writing some tunes for Devil Rapist. Got two things out of the way. It may not be what Nick wants or has been envisioning, but at least for me, it shows my range. Cuz I actually really dig the song we wrote (And the Bird Flew Away). It’s unlike anything I’ve ever had to write before and I feel accomplished knowing that I can branch out and do different styles. Coming from a guy who grew up playing punk rock, then to indie, now to some hard rock… it’s a good range I’m developing.
I managed to prove my awesomeness at Halo last night: every match we played I took first place with 20+ kills each time. The highest other kill rate was like, 9. I get heckled for “playing Halo too much”. But I only play like, two or three online matches per day, only on the weekend. So in a weekend I play Halo for about an hour on my own. That’s hardly anything! during the weekdays I basically don’t touch my video games.
John came over yesterday and contributed to my life’s perfection a bit. I truly realized how good of friends we are. No matter what people say about him- I really don’t care about their false notions about him. He realy is a great friend and we get along incredibly well. Our jam session was fantab. After working on some Apollo’s Dream songs we were back to playing blink tunes together and I got him to start singing: it was ace! It was rather exciting to see him playing bass and singing to blink songs… brought back soo many incredible memories for me.
Gah, I gotta go to work. But you, dear reader, have a marvelous day. I know I plan to.
To War
October 26, 2007 at 5:41 am (appastar)
Tags: allen, appastar, chris, comradery, halo 3, hatti, KFC, mort, starbucks, teamwork, tim, war
If killing myself means enjoying life to the fullest, I should be allowed to mutilate myself in every way I see fit.
My mother’s convinced that I’m walking on a “Shoe string time line” and I’m not “giving myself any down time”. It’s true, I’m not. But who gives two shits? If I’m not being productive with other people, I’m being productive on my own. It’s my personality to consistently be busy and preouccupied and she just doesn’t get it and she never will get it. She’s also convinced I’m a very “rude, inconsiderate, self-centered” person. Which I guess is a fair statement and all… but not for the reasons. The things I do to get such labels is so outrageous. She called me out for not taking out the garbage/recycling for garbage day. However, the thing is, I work Wednesday nights. I worked until 9PM. On nights where I work till 8PM I don’t even take out the garbage, and I havent for wellll over a year. So that’s bullshit claim number one. Secondly, I didn’t tell her the details about the concert until today, apparently. However, I know I’d mentioned all there was to know previously/just worked out all the details. Bullshit claim number two. Thirdly, she told me that I didn’t need to stay at “coffee so long”, I should have come home and did chores or something. Sorry to say, but I wasn’t with Hatti for very long in my book- staying for four hours is long. Two hours is a good conversation starter. At least when it’s concerning me. Bullshit claim number three. Fourthly (and let’s just make it lastly, although there are a few really miniscule things), she accused me of being self-centered by putting some equipment on the futon and having some amps block the computer. I must say, blocking the futon didn’t seem like it would matter seeing it’s a weeknight and I’m the only one who ever goes down there anyways. And blocking the computer? Oh, I’m so sorry you couldn’t move it yourself. I didn’t know it was such a huge chore to move a couple things that can be pushed aside oh so easily. I also didn’t think it would matter at 5:45AM. So, bullshit claim number four. This is why my mother and I are so disconnected… cuz I feel all this, but will never tell her. I’ll never tell her cuz to her it never matters. but what’s worse than not communicating these feelings is that I’ll flat out ignore that she ever made those claims, therein making me seem that much more apathetic. Quite often she says stuff like “Oh, he’s just depressed” or “He can’t stand his life/parents”… when we all know neither of those claims are true. So yeah… the mother & son relationship just doesn’t happen with us.
In other news, (killing time before school/doing this paper), yesterday I did go to Starbucks with Hatti and I enjoyed myself immensely. It’s been a long time since I’ve met someone who I’m genuinely interested in talking to. I was afraid of the time passing and knew that when it ended, I’d only look forward till the next time I could see her. She has two middle-names. Nobody has that besides me.
Appastar practice was rad. Between a solid set, Halo 3, and KFC… it was a great night. As weird as it is to say, last night was a crucial bonding point for all of us. Our domination on Halo online as a team really strengthened us, I have to admit. I’m not saying it’s the result of Halo, only. Merely, the fact that we were thrown in a situation where we had to work as a team and we succeeded with absolute flying colors was something that strengthened us. Maybe they don’t see it… but I do. I see us working in a new fashion now. We went to digital war and stomped ass. That’s something to love your comrade for.
But okay, I gotta revise this paper and get to school I suppose.
Peace&Love.
Paris Stop
October 21, 2007 at 8:12 pm (Uncategorized)
Tags: creative, mort, writing
Everything is gray. The sheets, the walls, the windows, her skin, her hair, her lips. It’s all gray. The color has been sucked out from this room and only a stale dryness remains. That’s what depravity does. Love loses its luster, happiness forgets its hope, resistance misplaces its recourse. My legs are crossed as I sit next to her, my weight sinking down my side of the bed slightly. I could watch her sleep all day. Her small frame nestles perfectly into the sheets, her quiet breathing calming. A gentle breeze walks in through the open window and the sunshine cascades along the dying wall. I know the day is beautiful, but I can’t shake the tarnish of last night’s sexual voyage. My fingers danced in places they should never reach and my tongue tantalized regions of intrigue that should never be exploited. At least, not in these circumstances. Not when I know I’ll never see her again.
I came to Paris on a quest for self-discovery. My life was falling apart back in the United States and I craved to be refreshed and reawakened. My relationships had grown so weak and brittle, I felt like one passionate tug at the rope, and everything would shatter to pieces. My job back home is like a needle slowly injecting poison into my bloodstream. It’s just a matter of time before my skin shrivels up and peels off my bones without a vaccination. I was spending all my time sitting at home in front of the computer chatting online and eating shit food. I had to getaway. I needed to escape the perils of mediocrity and submerge myself into unknown waters.
Why Paris? Why not. I’ve always dreamt of going. It’s just one of those places that needs to be visited in one’s lifetime. When I first arrived I was captivated by the scenery. It really was like a storybook venture and I immediately felt a surge coursing through my body, rejuvenating my soul. One of my first stops (after a quick piss and a gander at the newsagents), I sat myself down at an outdoor café. It was the waitress who caught my eye. She saw right through my terrible French and began speaking English in such a sultry fashion that I found myself instantly drawn to her. In a twist of fate, luck, chance, or whatever you want to call it, I saw her at a bar later that night. She came with a friend and left with me. We fucked once. Fucked twice. And to make it a charm, fucked a third time.
Since that day I’ve been staying in her apartment with her. No need for a hotel when a beautiful waitress is willing to let you inside of her castle and her home. She’s well aware I’m a tourist and knows that tomorrow is when I leave. Yet still she’s latched on. Her intimacy is loving, her remarks caring, and her touch compassionate. I’d like to think it’s love, I want to believe it’s something more than Parisian lust… but logic can’t seem to see it as anything else.
She’s waking up now. Her eyes open softly, her arms extending towards the bed rest for a morning stretch. There’s that smile of hers I adore. Her long brown hair is splayed across the pillow and she draws her hand down onto my leg.
“Good morning.”
I smile back. “Good morning.”
She turns around and lies on her side. Her naked back is exposed and I look upon her delicate frame as if it were a piece of art.
“Don’t leave me.”
“What?” I say.
She turns around and looks me in the eyes, her cold hand caressing my face. She then leans up in bed, the blanket falling down revealing her breasts. Her other hand now reaches my face. “Don’t…” she pauses. “Leave me.”
From the center of her eyes I can see the color again.
