If you know anything about me, I’m an incredibly sexual person. Should anyone notice something wrong with America’s sex industry and seek an initiative to change it, that person would definitely be me. It all started when I was walking through a video store one night off the Belmont stop in Chicago when I entered a mini-porn section. There were your typical Girls Gone Wild dvds plus some outrageous hentai. But then go around the corner and there’s a stairwell leading into what can only be described as a “porn dungeon.” You walk down and find yourself swarrrrmed by pornography. Now, I don’t like porn. I’m not a proponent for it. More on that in a bit. But do you know what I was thinking the whole time while in that basement? There is no way I would even TRY considering buying one of those dvds. Every cover had nasty women on it (and guys for that matter) and none of it looked even slightly appealing. This is what began my rant on America’s sex industry and how it can and should be so much more classy.
Let’s get something out of the way. Sex, to me, is a hugely spiritual thing. When two people conjoin, that’s two people letting their bodies, their hearts, and their souls get as humanly close as possible. I think sex is beautiful and should be done only out of the utmost love and commitment (Quite frankly I fully believe in waiting for the person you’re going to marry). Nevertheless- sex can also be absurdly fun, experimental, and entirely lustful. But still- I think that any view of sex should be contained within the realm of a deep relationship. So along with my view of sex, I totally believe that there is a certain quality of excellence that should be apparent with all things sexual: from books, to toys, to movies, to whaaatever.
Have you ever walked into a sex shop? From Lover’s Lane to Igor’s Dungeon to the porn sextion (hah, dyou like that?) at Fry’s, I can’t always help but feel slightly like a degenerate when I walk into these places. Not necessarily because I’m looking at mature material, but because these places set you up for feeling that way! Lover’s Lane’s goods are all kinda trashy looking- the Fry’s section is heavily marked off making you feel like you’re trespassing when you do look at the dvds. I hate seeing all the sex toys in Igor’s Dungeon that have nasty-ass looking models on the front showing their O-faces or men gazing deep into your eyes with a penis the size of Australia. No, no, no. That is not the way the sex industry should be! Now, with all these thoughts in my head, I knew exactly how I wanted to portray sex (note: most times when I say “sex”, I just mean anything sexual, not necessarily the act of intercourse) to the public. The only thing is… how am I going to do it any justice with only words?
I’ve definitely done some research to get the ball rolling on this and here are some examples of how the sex industry can be better. Everything you see are how sex should be marketed PROPERLY to the general public.
SEX TOYS.
Enter TENGA, a male masturbatory product from Japan. Watch that commercial and I guarantee not a single ounce of guilt will overcome you. Do you see how sleek and classy it is? No real genitalia is shown and it’s all handled professionally- notice how there aren’t any sultry voices to prove you are definitely checking out a sex toy. Instead, the TENGA feels more like a totally natural product you would not feel ashamed to purchase.
The TENGA shows perfectly how the packaging/presentation of sex needs to be altered. I don’t want to show any examples of BAD packaging, but just search “Porn DVDS” in Google and you’ll definitely see what I mean. Who really wants to watch “Teen Fuck Holes Part 6″?
Next we have IFeelMyself.com. Now, only venture there if you’re up for some explicit erotica, but IFeelMyself.com is a great step in the right direction towards how porn should be directed. Compare and contrast the two sites by heading over to Redtube.com for a bunch of pornography that’s shot poorly and has no quality attached to it. IFeelMyself.com sees masturbation as what it can be: sexual exploration that allows you to get in touch with yourself intimately (nooo pun intended). The way their videos are crafted indicate they want to present their erotica as a type of art, not just something you watch when you’re feeling horny at night. In fact, they have a quote that says, “The beauty of authentic female orgasm beautifully filmed and tastefully presented.” Yess- that’s how it should be! ”Beautifully filmed and tastefully presented.” The reason WHY people watch porn will probably never be tasteful- that’s why the industry is the way it is- the people producing filmed sex know someone is just trying to have an aid towards getting off. But why can’t there be a goal for higher quality? So although IFeelMyself.com is all about the females- it’s the IDEA behind it that the whole industry should take note of.
Trying comparing IFM to any other porn site. Again- which do you feel more comfortable looking at?
Annddd lastly on my mind: BOOKS! Now, books are where sex is generally right. Any venture into the sexuality section of a Barnes & Noble or Borders will reveal great books that aren’t usually too smutty. Take for instance any books that Nerve.com produces. Their pages are neatly laid out, the characters they use to demonstrate sex contain no facial or body features, and again: you feel okay flipping through it. However, there are some books out there which enjoy using real people to show off the sex positions, and to me- that’s just not fun to look at. When I want to find out a new position, do I really want to see two real people demonstrating for me? The worst thing about real models is that most of the time they’re nasty people. Take for instance my friend Kirstin’s Human Sexuality book. It’s a collegiate textbook about sex and the models inside are all gross. The vaginas and penises look like they came off some bum who hasn’t showered for years and got dealt the wrong hand as far as getting a nice genitalia. How about trying to find someone with a nice looking penis instead of choosing the first guy who says he’ll let you photograph him? Again: it’s all about achieving a higher state of excellence. Go the extra mile and maybe CREATE models for your books or FIND nice looking genitalia to photograph and put in your textbooks.
At this point, that’s about all I can offer. In America sexuality is such a private matter when honestly, it shouldn’t be. Sex should be exclusive and meaningful- but you shouldn’t have to hide it. And especially, sex should be embraced, but it isn’t! And part of the reason why I think sex is such a latent taboo in our society is because it’s marketed distastefully. If you have to walk into a closed-off section to buy porn that has crude titles and gross women on the front, are you really gonna take that step? If you have to go into a dark building that has only one car in front of it to purchase a sex toy- are you ever going to really unleash your inner deviant? Or if you have to flip through a large book of real people having sex just to find ways to spice up your sex life with your partner- are you really going to stand there as other people walk by? However, if the sex industry became a bit more tasteful and certainly upped their standards, maybe married couples wouldn’t hit walls sexually because they’d have no problem seeking aids. Maybe frustrated teens would find sexual liberation in buying a toy or having quality pornography. Maybe sex would be considered more appropriate if more people could pick up a book and read about it without feeling ashamed.
With this blog I’m not saying I’m some masturbating fiend who watches porn all the time and can’t get sex off his mind. All I’m trying to do is prove a point that sex, however you may go through with it, can be beautiful and natural… but at this point in the game, it’s usually deemed shameful and is discouraged. And while maybe I’m not a fan of masturbation and definitely don’t care for porn- that’s just my opinion. However any one manages to enjoy sex (whether alone or with a partner), they should be able to enjoy it to the fullest and so many people aren’t. And the first step I believe, is to turn around the sex industry.
p.s.- I actually wrote IFM today about how I enjoy their unique take on erotica and fully support what they’re doing for the industry… I got a response back saying my e-mail is circulating the office. Booya.
p.p.s.- I’m getting way more hits on this blog than I have on any other blog I’ve written for quite some time: it’s just evidence that this IS a big deal and is intriguing to plenty of people.
