February 26, 2009 at 9:48 am (Uncategorized)
Tags: dreams, harriet, jack johnson, negativity, optimism, sleep, the window theatre
So, despite yesterday pretty much being a terrible day and one that honestly cut the legs from out underneath me. I’m much better today. I got.. well, a bad night’s sleep (coupled with a very interesting dream), but that didn’t deter me from waking this morning and feeling great. I took a shower (which always soothes me), saw my gorgeous face in the mirror, turned on some Jack Johnson to start my morning, and am just… feeling good. I’ve got a supremely busy weekend ahead of me, but it’s okay. I’ve got it under control. All I really need now is my baby and you know what? I’m going to get her next thursday. I just gotta keep it together till then and I feel confident I can.
This is just me writing to kind of.. erase the negativity of yesterday. I just wanna put it down that I’m confident and supremely optimistic- not defeated and mopey.
Cheers!
Leave a Comment
January 14, 2009 at 9:44 pm (life)
Tags: harriet, pain, sleep, strength
I can be a downright idiot sometimes.
But hey. I’m only human, right? I can’t be perfect all the time. I don’t just shrug off my mistakes… I learn from them; always. But I can’t go beating myself up… because that just creates more problems.
Here’s the prescription… sleep. A clear conscience. And a fresh start.
Tomorrow I don’t have plans till 4… I’m going to rest. No questions asked. And from here on out I need to rest more. Tonight only happened because of how exhausted and not right I was.
As she put it… it’s “always” happening… but that doesn’t make it not true. Ever since Junior year I’ve had the problem of spreading myself too thin and tonight it went too far. I’ve let too many nights become complete shambles because I’m overly tired and lose all sense of optimism. It’s such a stupid reason too to feel so down and depressed.
Whatever. We’ll bounce back from this. I guess I just keep worrying over this because I don’t want her thinking I’m depressed like I was before. I’m not. I’m nowhere NEAR what I used to be… I really am just exhausted. I’ve got so many amazing things going on in my life, so many things exciting me, especially her. I just am afraid of her getting the wrong impression of me… because the only impression she gets are my words. The only reassurance she can have of me is through what I say. She can’t see me in action- she doesn’t have the luxury of watching me miss an entire change of a song while I’m drumming with A Death Off Screen because I was so in the zone playing a verse, rocking out hardcore with my tongue hanging out; she doesn’t get to see me sing randomly during the day because a tune is stuck in my head; she doesn’t get to see me interact with isabelle and see the smiles that come across both our faces; she doesn’t get to see me be goofy on the phone with gabi as I yell at her for not seeing me over break yet. When all she has are my words… and nights like these happen… I just don’t want her thinking I’m coming even close to what I used to be. Maybe I did hurt her, but she knows I haven’t been “depressed” since we had our talk over Thanksgiving break and I gave my life the necessary change it needed.
I need to be stronger. She said I didn’t… but I definitely have to be. And I will! Easily done. I just need to do it.
Breathe deep.
Tomorrow’s another day… Gotta give it all I’ve got as usual.
Leave a Comment
December 23, 2008 at 11:00 pm (emotions)
Tags: rest, sleep, wits
When I don’t rest I break down. I lose it because… I have no time to maintain it. Tomorrow I need to rest. I need to gather my wits. I need to sit around and do absolutely nothing and just regain who I am. Today was a little stressed with Joan because I just wasn’t feeling like myself- I was overly tired and had a hard time really expressing my thoughts and just overall communicating.
It’s not that I’m sad or unhappy or anything like that! Dooon’t get me wrong. Just acting a bit out of character because I’m so damn tired. Need to regroup; regenerate.
Kaykay, time for bed then.
Sweet dreams.
Leave a Comment
October 11, 2008 at 7:34 am (emotions)
Tags: sleep
Gah. This needs to stop. I need to sleep regularly for once…
Leave a Comment
March 4, 2008 at 7:16 am (Uncategorized)
Tags: anna, driving, harriet, monday, sleep
I’m actually really excited for this week ahead of me. After all the hub-bub of this past weekend and the uniqueness of it… it’ll be really cool to get back into the swing of normalcy. I’m so excited to have band practice; I’m dying to write down some stories and type them up; I want to go to certain classes and learn. You know… I’m pumped to just do normal things. I’m excited for life! That’s one thing Harriet mentioned. She told me, “How can you get up so early when clearly you’re so tired?” I used yesterday as an example: I’m too excited to sleep! I wanted more than anything to get out of bed and start my day so I could see my love. All the times that I’m up before 8AM (which is absurdly often), it’s not because I’m ready to get up or I have to… it’s because I’m too fucking stoked about my day to stay sleeping.
But now we might have another problem. Last night when trying to go to bed, every time I closed my eyes I saw Harriet’s face. And every time that happened, I realized I was in the same position I was when we fell asleep together yesterday. I became instantly stimulated and didn’t feel comfortable being alone.
Yesterday Anna said something that was totally righteous. Harriet and I were in the front seat and Anna in the back… and allofasudden Anna’s like, “Whoa, that is so weird.” Harriet and I stopped and were kinda like, “… yes?” To which Anna said, “You two like, keep finishing each other’s sentences.” Harriet and I had no idea we’d been doing so.
I should just change this blog’s title to, “Thoughts about Harriet.” She’s all I ever think about (I have a music blog, so that’s taken care of).
Okay, school time.
Peaceizzle.
1 Comment
