November 15, 2009 at 4:12 pm (life)
Tags: effort, food, goods, shopping, sincerity, work
Today’s Zen passage talked about the radiance of all things on this planet. The example was of a man at a meat market asking the butcher to give him his “finest cut of meat.” In response, the butcher said, “All of my meat is the finest you can have.” So the theme here is that you cannot “have the best” of anything– everything is already “the best” because everything on this planet has a certain radiance to it. In an even simpler definition: everything is special. While that’s a great idea to live by, I have to disagree. Living in America skews my view of this teaching.
When I go to the Jewel down the street to buy produce, I have to tread cautiously. Most of the fruits and vegetables are terrible looking. Maybe I’m being too hoity-toity. But even in the passage, doesn’t the buyer ask for “the best”? And doesn’t the butcher say he has “the best”? So clearly there is nothing wrong with me searching for a good piece of fruit or an unopened box of cereal– it’s natural to want goods to be the finest quality that they can be. And in Japan I think it’s easier to request/demand high quality goods because the Japanese take great care to produce fine things. Here in America, it’s difficult to just say, “It comes from the earth, therefore it’s radiant.” Many people don’t put in the effort to maintain the radiance of God’s creations. Because isn’t that what Zen teaching is all about in the first place? Giving every part of your life all the effort and attention you can? If the Farmer doesn’t do that, and the grocery stores who buy the produce don’t do it, and the stocker at the store doesn’t do it– how can I be expected to blindly say that what’s in front of me is “the best”?
Nevertheless, while maybe it’s hard to get sincere effort from others, that means you should find the desire inside yourself to produce honest, radiant works and goods. Just because the world can be disappointing, doesn’t mean you or I have to. Go out today and set the example; create your own radiance.
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January 7, 2009 at 3:41 am (life)
Tags: blisters, children, dad, drums, family, glenn, harriet, isabelle, love, sacrifice, work
It’s 3:30AM.
I need to be sleeping, but I woke up feeling so shitty and I needed to detox with an ice cold glass of juicy juice (diluted with water- makes for a very nice experience). For some reason my mouth was so dry and tasted like poo and my shitty diet for the day wasn’t helping me. So here I am, writing a bit just to wear me down so I’ll go back to sleep shortly. I’m tired- just a bit stimulated from walking around for a bit a few minutes ago.
I have a great idea for a story I want to write at some point.
I don’t know what I’m going to do today… but I know I gotta go return Pineapple Express, see what the deal with Ghost Town is, go to Circuit City, and go to salvation army? I’m dying to drum. I got my new kick drum head and it sounds like puuuure gravy! With just a few twists of the knob I can make it sound deep as balls. Or if I tweak it right I can make it sound just perfect for my set- trebly enough to be pleasing, deep enough to sound full.
I want to keep hanging with Glenn. I’m enjoying his company severely- I just hope he feels the same way.
My week with Harriet has humbled me quite a bit. Knowing now more than ever that we have what it takes to not only live together, but honestly thrive and be incredibly happy together with only each other has made me see us differently. I see us as so much stronger and more fulfilling than ever (and we were already perfect in those departments). Her leaving has crushed me. It’s hurt more than anything I can think of. Trying to maintain being happy is taking all I’ve got. I’m doing it!- it’s just taking a huge load of energy and effort.
My dad made a video last night about me that was a collage of many many old videos I’d never seen before. My first thoughts upon seeing them were how Harriet would be having the biggest smile across her face if she were to be in the same room watching with me. When I saw the adorable picture of Isabelle on my fridge (you know, the classy ones people take at classy photo centers?), it made me melt and I wanted to call Harriet up right away and tell her, “Just so you know… I can’t wait to have a child with you.”
The blisters on my hand hurt so bad.
Opening my door leaves a stinging feeling in my palms they’re so worn.
I heard dad moving around a few minutes ago… he’s already in the shower. He’s leaving for work in about thirty minutes. Every time he comes home and plops himself in bed, in front of the t.v. is well-deserved in my opinion. That man is allowed to crash at night if he so chooses. I admit though- he doesn’t sleep much- I’m not sure if getting up this early is that big of a chore or issue for him. If I had a wonderful family to provide for, I know I’d make any sort of sacrifice and give all the effort I could.
I guess I’ll attempt sleep now.
Goodnight, light.
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August 11, 2008 at 6:26 pm (harriet)
Tags: harriet, love, work
I don’t really know what to say. I wanna say something… but I’m not entirely sure what.
I guess if I had to say sometihng… I’d say that I’m happy. I feel really good right now. Even though Harriet’s gone… which is a terrible terrible thing… life is working out according to plan. With Harriet gone I’m playing guitar at like every second of the day and my creativity/skill level is already exceeding what I’ve already made. With Harriet gone I’m learning to love her in a different way: one that requires zero physical interaction. So… how is that “according to plan”? Because us being apart was my time for me to build the world I want to share with her in four years and us being apart was a way for us to grow stronger and closer. All of which is happening. Yeah, it hurts like hell. And all I think about is her… But hey. I can’t complain really. We’re making the best of this predicament and all the hard work we’ve put into this relationship and our lives is going to pay-off hardcore when we can be together again.
Here’s to hard work and perseverence and love. Combine the three and I’ve got me a perfect world with a perfect person.
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May 1, 2008 at 4:44 pm (emotions)
Tags: dominick's, harriet, past, work
I dunno. I just feel shitty as hell. For the first time in my life I’m craving the past. I almost wish I could go back to last year when I was drowning in the oppression of dominick’s. It was a great time because I officially drifted between meaning nothing and meaning everything to people. My life was school then work. There was no worry about college… no worry about being friends with people… no worry about maintaining grades… There just weren’t any worries. I was also surrounded by people who never judged and lived life much in the same way I did: my jokes weren’t out of place, they were normal. My sexual appetite wasn’t frowned upon, it was understood. My crazy ideas weren’t crazy, they were embraced. My only real connection to Benet was that I went there. I walked through those halls barely focusing on anything. I felt nonexistant a lot of the time and I loved it. Now this year I’m so absorbed in Benet and I hate it. I’m absorbed because I have nowhere else to go. Like, I miss those times when Danielle, Syed, Kim, Derek, Klarenc, Eleni, etc. etc.- those were the only people I really talked to/hung out with. They were wonderful people and now I really miss them. I like the people at Benet… in fact, I love some of them. It makes my day to talk to Dave and Amy by their locker… But the majority of people just piss me off. Sure, I enjoy getting rises out of people with my raunchy nature… but I’d rather just have it be normal and accepted as opposed to outrageous and uncouth. When I say, “Let’s just play it by ear”, I want people to be down with it… not go, “Wait, what? No! Need a plan!” I hate saying sometihng then being asked, “WHY?” It’s like… who cares. Let’s just DO and ask questions later.
That’s exactly why I love Harriet so much. She’s everything in a person I want, crave, desire, and need. But even she’s getting me down lately because of the moving situation. It’s not her getting me down, persay, but just… I’m focusing too much on her leaving. It’s stressing me out. When I see her at school I just have nothing to say because all I wanna do is tell her “Don’t fucking leave me.” All I wanna do is be intimate with her and savor every second I’ve got with her. I’m failing both parts because a) I can’t be intimate with her at school and b) since I’m freaking out, I can’t savor the moments with her at school. On the weekends we’re amazing. On the weekends… fuck. I can’t even explain our love. It’s too much for words. It’s too perfect.
When Harriet moves I’m getting a job and I’m gonna start saving now. Get that airplane fund up and running so I can see her whenever. If only she were staying in chicago… or columbia was down in new orleans. We could be together in a perfect situation: and that’s alone. All we need is to be alone and we can make life perfect for one another. I need nothing else but her to make everything else in my life work. Love makes my world go round.
Whatever. I’m seeing her tonight. I’ll savor every moment.
Arigato.
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February 9, 2008 at 4:50 am (Uncategorized)
Tags: apollo's dream, appa shows, family, harriet, last day, this new day, turnabout, work
Right.
So.
It’s 4:47… leaving for work in just a few minutes.
I just felt like saying how it’s true.
I’m back on track. Life is wonderful as always. Especially yesterday.
I’m sure Harriet realized just as much as I did that I haven’t been that comfortable around her in a while.
I even wrote a story yesterday. I wrote a story yesterday for the first time in almost like, two months!
I’m doing so much better now.
And I’m… well, not excited for today… but I’m excited for everything else in store in my life.
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